This has been a long confusing, joyful week.
The loot from under the tree has been i think the best i've ever recieved! a new phone, a nintendo ds, hannah montana season one, Skis. Overall a great haul.
CPR, on the other hand, has disappeared from the radar completely. He was supposed to come to the pool staff party, but didn't get back from skiing in time. We texted a bit, I invited him over for the next day, and said goodnight.
Next day rolls around, he initiates the texts, I invite him over, he says he doesn't have a car. I offer to pick him up, he says he's tired. I offer to come over to watch a movie, he says his computer's broken. He said he'd check in with me after breakfast, but two hours later he texted to say he had fallen asleep again. I ask what the plan is for the day, he replies with "sleep..."
I gave it an hour or so, to think about what had happened, and calculate exactly what I wanted to say to him. My eventual response was "I understand being busy and tired w/ 2 jobs and the holidays. If you find time to hang out, let me know."
No response back. At all. Since Monday. Its Friday.
I had bounced what I wanted to say (before i pushed send), to make sure it didn't sound super bat shit crazy or passive agressive. I really do want to just be straight forward.
And I really do understand being busy and tired. But not even a text? No "ok" or "will do."
Its still pretty early in the relationship. I don't expect to dominate all of his time. But It'd sure be nice to get a little acknowledgment that I still exist in his world.
Weeks and weeks ago, he had asked for help with what to do with an ex. She had emailed, stating she still had feelings for him, he doesn't, and didn't know how to deal with the situation. I told him he needed to be straight forward, and just tell her the truth. He opted to just ignore her. RED FLAG!
Its how he deals with things.
I need a guy that has a pair, and uses them wisely. Do men like that exist?
Whatever.
I think maybe I'll just use my new christmas toys to find men to keep me warm in the mean time.
Ski Bunny Lemon Out!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Most Interesting Day
When I woke up this morning, I had a very small idea of what the day would entail.
Dad woke us up early so that we could spend the morning sawing, stacking, sorting and chipping tree limbs. Other than being early, it wasn't so bad. We then fixed my car heating issues, and he left for Grandma's.
This afternoon (the only part of the day I was aware of my activities) I helped out at Christmas House. It is a local charity that donates gifts to low income families in our county. The items available for parents to come and "shop" for were very high quality items and products. We served about 300 families today, and hopefully have shown the light of Christ to families in our community.
Oh, Speaking of Christ, there was a manger display... in the most unusual of places. The "shopping" area was set up in the gym at a local Boys and Girls Club. On top of one of the basket ball hoops was Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. I suppose they answered the question of whether or not Jesus could slam dunk.
I also found myself checking out the group of volunteers. There was one guy who might be similar in age to me, and had a very nice face. The rest of him wasn't bad to look at either... until he bent over and his tighty whities were sticking up out of the back of his pants. Not just regular fruit of the looms, but they looked like they were a few years old. It was very off putting, which was v disappointing, as there was quite a few hours left in our shift, and no one else worth looking at.
After returning home from CH, I checked in with a few friends to see if a holiday party was still happening. I jumped back in the car and drove up the hill. We ate, ate ate, played some games, mingled, ate some more, and had a jolly time. I won a game called Pig Dice. I don't know why it was named such, but I was a lucky roller. I lost at a silly card game, but then we moved on to the main event of the evening: the White Elephant gift exchange!
I almost got my hands on the Sarah Palin autobiography, then lost it last minute to another woman.
In other news: I saw CPR thursday afternoon, but only for a few minutes since he had to leave for work, Friday was my last day at the pool, and I've filed for unemployment and shall be receiving benefits starting next week.
Its been a long and crazy week. Oh, plus i was super emotional due to end of job and the regular monthly hormones.
Lemon Out
Dad woke us up early so that we could spend the morning sawing, stacking, sorting and chipping tree limbs. Other than being early, it wasn't so bad. We then fixed my car heating issues, and he left for Grandma's.
This afternoon (the only part of the day I was aware of my activities) I helped out at Christmas House. It is a local charity that donates gifts to low income families in our county. The items available for parents to come and "shop" for were very high quality items and products. We served about 300 families today, and hopefully have shown the light of Christ to families in our community.
Oh, Speaking of Christ, there was a manger display... in the most unusual of places. The "shopping" area was set up in the gym at a local Boys and Girls Club. On top of one of the basket ball hoops was Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. I suppose they answered the question of whether or not Jesus could slam dunk.
I also found myself checking out the group of volunteers. There was one guy who might be similar in age to me, and had a very nice face. The rest of him wasn't bad to look at either... until he bent over and his tighty whities were sticking up out of the back of his pants. Not just regular fruit of the looms, but they looked like they were a few years old. It was very off putting, which was v disappointing, as there was quite a few hours left in our shift, and no one else worth looking at.
After returning home from CH, I checked in with a few friends to see if a holiday party was still happening. I jumped back in the car and drove up the hill. We ate, ate ate, played some games, mingled, ate some more, and had a jolly time. I won a game called Pig Dice. I don't know why it was named such, but I was a lucky roller. I lost at a silly card game, but then we moved on to the main event of the evening: the White Elephant gift exchange!
I almost got my hands on the Sarah Palin autobiography, then lost it last minute to another woman.
In other news: I saw CPR thursday afternoon, but only for a few minutes since he had to leave for work, Friday was my last day at the pool, and I've filed for unemployment and shall be receiving benefits starting next week.
Its been a long and crazy week. Oh, plus i was super emotional due to end of job and the regular monthly hormones.
Lemon Out
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Mightiest Battle
I find the hardest decision to make while starting a new relationship is when to actually share my thoughts and feelings, and when to keep my mouth shut.
I had invited CPR to my annual Christmas party. Attendees are all friends (and spouses/fiancees/dates) from high school. He initially said he'd go, then texted last night that he was going to have to work late. I was a bit disappointed, but then he actually called this afternoon to check in. In the end, he got home from work pretty late, and it would have been a 45 minute drive out to my friend's house. But he actually checked in when he said he would.
Does this remove the feeling that I think he didn't really want to go? no. Am I disappointed that our only plans in the last week didn't heppen? yes, a lot.
Do I talk with him about it? Do i let it go? Do I make the next move for trying to hang out or wait for him to call me? are we past that point in the game? What are the rules here?
I hate calling guys. I just want to talk to him, about everything, about nothing. But the mere act of dialing his number, and waiting for him to pick up his phone makes me feel like I'm throwing myself at him. Is this normal? I can't expect for him to make all the moves, but I don't need to show him all my cards, right?
I've been wanting to dtr the kid for like two weeks, and can't seem to actually spend time with him, let alone talk about... my feelings!!!
YIKES
This Lemon could use some Lemonade right about now.
My current job ends friday, and yet I haven't gotten a call back about any of my resumes. I'll start to freak out about that come January 1. Its kinda nice to have some spare time around the holidays.
On the bright side, the annual christmas party with my friends (sans cpr) was a lot of fun. There was even a point where i laughed so hard i cried. I love laughter.
Tired Lemon to bed.
I had invited CPR to my annual Christmas party. Attendees are all friends (and spouses/fiancees/dates) from high school. He initially said he'd go, then texted last night that he was going to have to work late. I was a bit disappointed, but then he actually called this afternoon to check in. In the end, he got home from work pretty late, and it would have been a 45 minute drive out to my friend's house. But he actually checked in when he said he would.
Does this remove the feeling that I think he didn't really want to go? no. Am I disappointed that our only plans in the last week didn't heppen? yes, a lot.
Do I talk with him about it? Do i let it go? Do I make the next move for trying to hang out or wait for him to call me? are we past that point in the game? What are the rules here?
I hate calling guys. I just want to talk to him, about everything, about nothing. But the mere act of dialing his number, and waiting for him to pick up his phone makes me feel like I'm throwing myself at him. Is this normal? I can't expect for him to make all the moves, but I don't need to show him all my cards, right?
I've been wanting to dtr the kid for like two weeks, and can't seem to actually spend time with him, let alone talk about... my feelings!!!
YIKES
This Lemon could use some Lemonade right about now.
My current job ends friday, and yet I haven't gotten a call back about any of my resumes. I'll start to freak out about that come January 1. Its kinda nice to have some spare time around the holidays.
On the bright side, the annual christmas party with my friends (sans cpr) was a lot of fun. There was even a point where i laughed so hard i cried. I love laughter.
Tired Lemon to bed.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Holding My Breath
Ya know that moment, when you have to actually say whats on your mind, but you don't want to, but you need to... so you take a deep breath, but instead of just saying it, you just end up holding your breath until you can't anymore? Or is that just me?
CPR and I didn't dtr, but did have "the talk." So, at least he is aware that sex isn't on the table... or in the bed. And he took it well. It wasn't a long conversation, so I expect it to resurface in the future, but the message was clear. Not happening.
He is going with me to an annual christmas party with some friends from High School. Replying to the group email as "Yes, plus a guest" was quite a thrill! Especially since everyone else will be brining fiances or spouses. Its just lovely to have a plus one!
The plus one thing is super exciting. Although, perhaps the actual DTR needs to happen before then. So i've got til wednesday. These are some of my closest friends... they just seems to lack... tact? discretion? a sense of enjoyment that doesn't involve embarrassing me? or perhaps a combo of all. I'm looking forward to the party, and I'm sure it'll be a great time.
Oh, and I am back on facebook. I missed it, but here's hoping i can keep control of my time management skills. AKA talk to Jesus instead of searching out my life's meaning on facebook.
Lemon Out
CPR and I didn't dtr, but did have "the talk." So, at least he is aware that sex isn't on the table... or in the bed. And he took it well. It wasn't a long conversation, so I expect it to resurface in the future, but the message was clear. Not happening.
He is going with me to an annual christmas party with some friends from High School. Replying to the group email as "Yes, plus a guest" was quite a thrill! Especially since everyone else will be brining fiances or spouses. Its just lovely to have a plus one!
The plus one thing is super exciting. Although, perhaps the actual DTR needs to happen before then. So i've got til wednesday. These are some of my closest friends... they just seems to lack... tact? discretion? a sense of enjoyment that doesn't involve embarrassing me? or perhaps a combo of all. I'm looking forward to the party, and I'm sure it'll be a great time.
Oh, and I am back on facebook. I missed it, but here's hoping i can keep control of my time management skills. AKA talk to Jesus instead of searching out my life's meaning on facebook.
Lemon Out
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Underqualified
I've been working on job applications all weekend. I even printed out one application so I could fill it out by hand, and scan it back into the computer to email it back to the HR department. Trick is, I am not a registered counselor in my state, and its seems to be a requirement for most of the jobs I'm looking into.
So, I looked up how to become a state registered counselor, and I've really figured out is there are different meanings to the title of Counselor.
Also my room in a mess, dad's drilling holes in the wall, and I think I want to bring CPR to family dinner friday night. Everything is so stressful right now.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to DTR with CPR within the week.
Lemon Out
So, I looked up how to become a state registered counselor, and I've really figured out is there are different meanings to the title of Counselor.
Also my room in a mess, dad's drilling holes in the wall, and I think I want to bring CPR to family dinner friday night. Everything is so stressful right now.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to DTR with CPR within the week.
Lemon Out
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Perhaps You Have Noticed
The alternating between chewing my nails, and the stupid grin on my face?!
1. Work has been supremely frustrating lately. The ship is sinking, and the Board of Directors (and the other branch the company operates) don't seem as concerned about being respectful, as much as just getting the damn thing to sink. They're cutting hours and jobs faster than I seem to be able to react to. Its possible that today was my last day working with CPR, although nothing has been finalized yet. The public is really frustrated with the pool closure as well, but other than the official statement the Board of Directors made last Wednesday, I have no answers to anyone's questions.
2. Things are going super well with CPR. He went with me and three close friends to see a movie Monday evening. Props to him for meeting my friends, taking me to a ridiculous movie, and for being a super good sport.
I've been learning little wonderful things about him more and more as we hang out and talk. One of the most interesting, i think, is that his dad is from England. Yup, i might just be dating a British citizen. CPR doesn't have an accent, but he's still got family on the other side of the pond. Lovely!
My boss/bff came up with Character assignments for ourselves and coworkers over the last week in relation to everyone's favorite TV show: The Office. My boss/bff is SO Michael Scott, and I am very much a Jim type character. In relation to this, we started naming off other co workers who fit characters. We really do have a Dwight type person, a Kelly Kapur, and a 2-fer: Kevin/Toby mix! (the assistant manager is as useful as Kevin, and Boss/bff likes him as much as Michael likes Toby). Why am I mentioning this in the CPR section of today's blog? Well, if I'm Jim... He's my Pam.
Nothing beats a good office romance... even if you don't work in an office. Who knows if CPR and I will get married at Niagra Falls, but we can figure out those details later.
3. I've decided to take a Social Network Hiatus. In the middle of one of my larger freak outs, I came to realize that I spend all day wishing I spent more time doing important things (read my bible, apply for jobs, study for the GREs, etc), and instead I browse Facebook. Its all I ever do. So I deactivated it.
Actually I made someone else change the password, and deactivate it for me, so I can't get back in until I've proven that I can manage my time a little more effectively. Dammit I miss it. a lot.
I did make some GRE vocab flashcards... that i haven't picked up since. And I subscribed to a Daily Bible Reading (bible in a year) podcast... and haven't synched my ipod ever since. I need some serious motivation, and some sort of accountability system as well. I've been getting better at waking up at a decent hour lately, now I just need to crack open that bible and read it.
Lemon Updated
1. Work has been supremely frustrating lately. The ship is sinking, and the Board of Directors (and the other branch the company operates) don't seem as concerned about being respectful, as much as just getting the damn thing to sink. They're cutting hours and jobs faster than I seem to be able to react to. Its possible that today was my last day working with CPR, although nothing has been finalized yet. The public is really frustrated with the pool closure as well, but other than the official statement the Board of Directors made last Wednesday, I have no answers to anyone's questions.
2. Things are going super well with CPR. He went with me and three close friends to see a movie Monday evening. Props to him for meeting my friends, taking me to a ridiculous movie, and for being a super good sport.
I've been learning little wonderful things about him more and more as we hang out and talk. One of the most interesting, i think, is that his dad is from England. Yup, i might just be dating a British citizen. CPR doesn't have an accent, but he's still got family on the other side of the pond. Lovely!
My boss/bff came up with Character assignments for ourselves and coworkers over the last week in relation to everyone's favorite TV show: The Office. My boss/bff is SO Michael Scott, and I am very much a Jim type character. In relation to this, we started naming off other co workers who fit characters. We really do have a Dwight type person, a Kelly Kapur, and a 2-fer: Kevin/Toby mix! (the assistant manager is as useful as Kevin, and Boss/bff likes him as much as Michael likes Toby). Why am I mentioning this in the CPR section of today's blog? Well, if I'm Jim... He's my Pam.
Nothing beats a good office romance... even if you don't work in an office. Who knows if CPR and I will get married at Niagra Falls, but we can figure out those details later.
3. I've decided to take a Social Network Hiatus. In the middle of one of my larger freak outs, I came to realize that I spend all day wishing I spent more time doing important things (read my bible, apply for jobs, study for the GREs, etc), and instead I browse Facebook. Its all I ever do. So I deactivated it.
Actually I made someone else change the password, and deactivate it for me, so I can't get back in until I've proven that I can manage my time a little more effectively. Dammit I miss it. a lot.
I did make some GRE vocab flashcards... that i haven't picked up since. And I subscribed to a Daily Bible Reading (bible in a year) podcast... and haven't synched my ipod ever since. I need some serious motivation, and some sort of accountability system as well. I've been getting better at waking up at a decent hour lately, now I just need to crack open that bible and read it.
Lemon Updated
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Americana Experience
I'm currently living the true American life. The company I work for is closing the location where I work. They say maybe I can pick up some hours at the other location, but I'm not really sure if it'll be enough hours to make the gas money worth it. We'll see.
I had another Americana moment last night. CPR took me to a movie (finally the goat movie, which was HILARIOUS), and then there was a nice kiss goodnight before I got in the car to go home. I don't think I've ever had a date with a kiss goodnight before.
I now see why the goodnight kiss is popular. Definitely leaves you wanting more, and something to think about for a while... specifically the ride home.
He asked if i wanted to go hiking this weekend, but I've got family in town, and so I had to decline. We have been talking about joining a few friends to go to a local BeerFest, so I asked if he was still interested in that for next weekend. "I went to [state school] so its kinda hard to say no to organized drinking events." I'm not sure if he's going to be with me, or for the beer. Meh, I'm good with it either way.
Well, I should probably spend some time with this family group...
Lemon Meringue Pie Out!
(YUM)
I had another Americana moment last night. CPR took me to a movie (finally the goat movie, which was HILARIOUS), and then there was a nice kiss goodnight before I got in the car to go home. I don't think I've ever had a date with a kiss goodnight before.
I now see why the goodnight kiss is popular. Definitely leaves you wanting more, and something to think about for a while... specifically the ride home.
He asked if i wanted to go hiking this weekend, but I've got family in town, and so I had to decline. We have been talking about joining a few friends to go to a local BeerFest, so I asked if he was still interested in that for next weekend. "I went to [state school] so its kinda hard to say no to organized drinking events." I'm not sure if he's going to be with me, or for the beer. Meh, I'm good with it either way.
Well, I should probably spend some time with this family group...
Lemon Meringue Pie Out!
(YUM)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I Must Be Psychic!!!
So, remember this post? I'm so glad to have named him CPR, because, in fact, we did have a practices session last night!
HUZZAH!
We were looking through my GRE study book last night, and obviously that is the optimum moment to lean in for gold. Nothing like a first kiss while discussing math. I never thought that would happen. Kinda really gross really.
Actually, i think it was my first kiss with a guy who can grow a beard, who actually had a beard at the time. It was kinda great!
He crashed here last night (i'm housesitting for a friend for the week), which was wonderful for several reasons. The most selfish being that my room here is cold, and he's very warm. Also, its nice to get a nice snuggle in now and again.
It was a bit awkward and nervous, but i think both of us were just pretty nervous, and awkward in general.
He seems to get quite a kick out me being cranky in the morning, but it can be kinda hard to wake up cranky when you open your eyes to someone you really like.
Lemon Smiles
HUZZAH!
We were looking through my GRE study book last night, and obviously that is the optimum moment to lean in for gold. Nothing like a first kiss while discussing math. I never thought that would happen. Kinda really gross really.
Actually, i think it was my first kiss with a guy who can grow a beard, who actually had a beard at the time. It was kinda great!
He crashed here last night (i'm housesitting for a friend for the week), which was wonderful for several reasons. The most selfish being that my room here is cold, and he's very warm. Also, its nice to get a nice snuggle in now and again.
It was a bit awkward and nervous, but i think both of us were just pretty nervous, and awkward in general.
He seems to get quite a kick out me being cranky in the morning, but it can be kinda hard to wake up cranky when you open your eyes to someone you really like.
Lemon Smiles
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Post Date Forum
He called, but since he had gotten out of work so much later than he had originally expected, we didn't go see the movie.
Eventually he arrived to the place i'm house sitting, and instead we went to a local restaurant, and had a beer. and talked. and talked. and talked. he paid for the beer, although, i'll admit, i didn't even reach for the bill.
we came back to the house, opened up another beer each from the fridge (oh, the joys of housesitting) and continued to talk and talk and talk and talk.
I avoided talking about my exes, and other various faux pas, and tried very hard not to sound like a crazy loon, but I think he seems to enjoy crazy loon a bit, so its really all good.
He's offered to take me rock climbing tomorrow, if it isn't raining. but if it is raining, perhaps we'll finally hit that movie. which i do eventually want to see.
no good night kiss, but, we're still pretty darn awkward around each other. It'll happen eventually, i'm sure. Its probably because we were drinking classier beer than what comes out of a can. (oh, white trash beer, you always lead me into trouble: PBR, CLBF)
Tired Lemon Out.
Eventually he arrived to the place i'm house sitting, and instead we went to a local restaurant, and had a beer. and talked. and talked. and talked. he paid for the beer, although, i'll admit, i didn't even reach for the bill.
we came back to the house, opened up another beer each from the fridge (oh, the joys of housesitting) and continued to talk and talk and talk and talk.
I avoided talking about my exes, and other various faux pas, and tried very hard not to sound like a crazy loon, but I think he seems to enjoy crazy loon a bit, so its really all good.
He's offered to take me rock climbing tomorrow, if it isn't raining. but if it is raining, perhaps we'll finally hit that movie. which i do eventually want to see.
no good night kiss, but, we're still pretty darn awkward around each other. It'll happen eventually, i'm sure. Its probably because we were drinking classier beer than what comes out of a can. (oh, white trash beer, you always lead me into trouble: PBR, CLBF)
Tired Lemon Out.
Friday, November 20, 2009
I hear the clock ticking
No, not the biological clock (this time), the real on-the-wall clock. CPR is supposed to call in 8 minutes or so, and we're going to finally figure out where and what time we're gonna go see the goat movie.
I showered (ok, so maybe i had to get in the pool today, and showered at work, but it counts), did my hair, put on some make up, and now i'm just sitting, staring at the phone, wondering if he's gonna call at 8:00 or 8:12 or (OMG) even later than that!!
And now i'm freaking out about how much effort i put into my hair and make up. The kid only sees me at my most unattractive. Ya know, Just rolled out of bed, to drive to work, to put on a swimsuit and oversized lifeguard shirt, hair in a pony tail, no make up, cranky morning self. And, ya, i guess its flattering that he's into me when i look/act my worst, but now that i've put some effort into it, is it going to be super obvious?
Ok, I need to go find something to eat to calm my nerves.
THE JITTERSSSSS I"VE GOT THE JITTERS!!!
Lemon all shook up.
I showered (ok, so maybe i had to get in the pool today, and showered at work, but it counts), did my hair, put on some make up, and now i'm just sitting, staring at the phone, wondering if he's gonna call at 8:00 or 8:12 or (OMG) even later than that!!
And now i'm freaking out about how much effort i put into my hair and make up. The kid only sees me at my most unattractive. Ya know, Just rolled out of bed, to drive to work, to put on a swimsuit and oversized lifeguard shirt, hair in a pony tail, no make up, cranky morning self. And, ya, i guess its flattering that he's into me when i look/act my worst, but now that i've put some effort into it, is it going to be super obvious?
Ok, I need to go find something to eat to calm my nerves.
THE JITTERSSSSS I"VE GOT THE JITTERS!!!
Lemon all shook up.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
We Have Lift Off
So, I don't remember if I had mentioned this earlier, but while having a delightful cup of tea with CPR at his house this past Sunday afternoon, he had passively asked if I had heard of a new movie. I said I had, and it looked very funny. He then changed the subject.
I reflected on it later, and thought it was a particularly awkward moment of the day, but passed it off as just a conversation about movies, music, culture, etc like we have all the time.
Yesterday, while immersed in one disgusting cleaning job (who knew Lifeguarding involved cleaning out air ducts... see, tangents are easy), He brought it up again.
"So, remember when we were talking about that movie the other day?" He asks.
"yeah, it looks really good" I reply.
"yeah, there was a follow up question. Do you wanna go see it?"
"Yeah, that'd be great!"
We both have a busy end to the week, and he's gonna be out of town for the weekend, so we're gonna try for next week. Maybe Monday. Meanwhile, I'm on cloud 9.
I reflected on it later, and thought it was a particularly awkward moment of the day, but passed it off as just a conversation about movies, music, culture, etc like we have all the time.
Yesterday, while immersed in one disgusting cleaning job (who knew Lifeguarding involved cleaning out air ducts... see, tangents are easy), He brought it up again.
"So, remember when we were talking about that movie the other day?" He asks.
"yeah, it looks really good" I reply.
"yeah, there was a follow up question. Do you wanna go see it?"
"Yeah, that'd be great!"
We both have a busy end to the week, and he's gonna be out of town for the weekend, so we're gonna try for next week. Maybe Monday. Meanwhile, I'm on cloud 9.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sunny Day, Sweeping the Clouds Away
Ok, so I didn't actually see any sunshine, and the team I was cheering for lost, but really, today was a good day.
Why? Oh, CPR made and followed through with plans. True, I had to be the one to drive 45 minutes so we could hang out, and we did so at his parents' house, but it was a good time all around. We watched soccer, drank some tea, and talked a lot.
He recorded the game on the DVR, and we waited for his dad to watch the game first, then took over the basement tv room. I've personally never played soccer (outside of a PE class, and that does NOT count), and although I know most of the general rules and overall concepts of the game, I don't know things like what counts as a foul. He generously explained them, and didn't appear to be bothered by my many questions, but rather seemed to enjoy showing off his plethora of knowledge.
And we're playing the predating games and dancing the complicated tango of crushes.
Our knees touched, then our elbows, but no arm around the shoulder or other obvious move. We hung out in his room, talked while sitting on his bed, but left the door open. He asked if i had seen a specific movie yet, stated that he wanted to see it, but seemed to get distracted before suggesting we go see it.
I'm learning to play the game, and I think poor CPR is going to get most of the brunt of it. If he wants to hang out with me, then HE can suggest plans the first few times. I can be patient and let him pursue after me. As much as I dislike pop-christian-psychology, the idea of him wooing me both allows him to feel masculine, and me a bit more feminine. And, I think that would be good for us.
Until then, I'm rather excited to see him tomorrow morning.
Lemon drops and Rainbows out
Why? Oh, CPR made and followed through with plans. True, I had to be the one to drive 45 minutes so we could hang out, and we did so at his parents' house, but it was a good time all around. We watched soccer, drank some tea, and talked a lot.
He recorded the game on the DVR, and we waited for his dad to watch the game first, then took over the basement tv room. I've personally never played soccer (outside of a PE class, and that does NOT count), and although I know most of the general rules and overall concepts of the game, I don't know things like what counts as a foul. He generously explained them, and didn't appear to be bothered by my many questions, but rather seemed to enjoy showing off his plethora of knowledge.
And we're playing the predating games and dancing the complicated tango of crushes.
Our knees touched, then our elbows, but no arm around the shoulder or other obvious move. We hung out in his room, talked while sitting on his bed, but left the door open. He asked if i had seen a specific movie yet, stated that he wanted to see it, but seemed to get distracted before suggesting we go see it.
I'm learning to play the game, and I think poor CPR is going to get most of the brunt of it. If he wants to hang out with me, then HE can suggest plans the first few times. I can be patient and let him pursue after me. As much as I dislike pop-christian-psychology, the idea of him wooing me both allows him to feel masculine, and me a bit more feminine. And, I think that would be good for us.
Until then, I'm rather excited to see him tomorrow morning.
Lemon drops and Rainbows out
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Call Backs
So CPR and I are trying to make plans... i think. He asked if i wanted to do something (sober) this weekend, so I said sure. We were originally thinking, like going for a hike and having some tea.
Its been monsoon season out here for a while now, and really a hike isn't a dry option at all. I was willing to go, if he wanted to, but i got a text this afternoon saying he didn't want to play in the rain. So i asked if he wanted to wait til tomorrow, or do something else, to which he responded, we could wait til tomorrow or do something else... wait, isn't that what i just said to him?! ya.
I asked if he had any ideas, and he said he wasn't so sure about indoor activities, but he was gonna go to lap swim. Sometimes I wonder if guys think they're communicating, or if they are purposefully being confusing. This communication thing needs to be looked at closer, but some other day.
I told him to enjoy his swim, and let me know if he thinks of something he wants to do. The only reply I got is that he doesn't like the workout I told him about this past week. My favorite lap swim/practice workout. but whatever, not everyone can be as hardcore as i am in the pool.
Oh, also in the middle of this an old... hook up (for lack of better term) texted me and wants me to come play beer pong with him tonight. We'll call him PBR (mostly because I love nicknames that are initials), as it is his favorite beer. We've made out a few times in the past, but he subsequently blows me off after every encounter.
So, right now I'm practicing my skills in playing "the" game.
I'm letting CPR take the lead.
AND I'm refusing to fall back into the same old same old with PBR.
When it rains...
Lemon out.
Its been monsoon season out here for a while now, and really a hike isn't a dry option at all. I was willing to go, if he wanted to, but i got a text this afternoon saying he didn't want to play in the rain. So i asked if he wanted to wait til tomorrow, or do something else, to which he responded, we could wait til tomorrow or do something else... wait, isn't that what i just said to him?! ya.
I asked if he had any ideas, and he said he wasn't so sure about indoor activities, but he was gonna go to lap swim. Sometimes I wonder if guys think they're communicating, or if they are purposefully being confusing. This communication thing needs to be looked at closer, but some other day.
I told him to enjoy his swim, and let me know if he thinks of something he wants to do. The only reply I got is that he doesn't like the workout I told him about this past week. My favorite lap swim/practice workout. but whatever, not everyone can be as hardcore as i am in the pool.
Oh, also in the middle of this an old... hook up (for lack of better term) texted me and wants me to come play beer pong with him tonight. We'll call him PBR (mostly because I love nicknames that are initials), as it is his favorite beer. We've made out a few times in the past, but he subsequently blows me off after every encounter.
So, right now I'm practicing my skills in playing "the" game.
I'm letting CPR take the lead.
AND I'm refusing to fall back into the same old same old with PBR.
When it rains...
Lemon out.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Why Bother?
Halloween was fun. I didn't make out with CPR... in fact beyond Hi-5's, the only physical contact we had was when he put his hand on my shoulder during a group photo. Disappointing? yeah, but there really wasn't a good corner to disappear into, or really an opportunity to try to find one.
He did seem to enjoy our small party (6 people total, i think, its all a bit hazy) and texted that he would enjoy more get to gethers. I haven't heard from him since about 1:30am last night, but will be working with him tomorrow morning.
I've had plenty of time to think things over today. While I was brooding in my disappointment/wondering if its all for the best, I had a nice freak-out to the tune of Should I even bother waiting around for the elusive "good christian boy"?
Where am I even supposed to find these guys? Do they exist as single men in this area? Sure, I know plenty of high quality christian guys in the area... but they're all married.
I knew quite a few of these guys, still single, when I was in college, but never got asked out. I took initiative a few times, and got turned down. I caught wind of a rumor this past year, that I had been the object of desire by many a fellow while in school... but like I said, never got asked out. So what good does that do me? none.
So, as a Christian woman, what am I supposed to do with the religiously ambiguous? Its not like I can start conversations in polite company with "hi, can you please summarize your whole religious experience and belief system so that I can know whether or not its worth getting to know you. Kthanks."
But at some point it is necessary to at least nail down which camp you are in, and to some degree it matters. Plus, it eventually comes up, as I have a degree in Christian Theology.
Really, I know the answer to my current dilemma: don't get involved romantically with CPR, it will only lead to the next poorly defined relationship that can't go anywhere. But this lonely girl hears her biological clock ticking. Not to mention the reminders from family, friends, well wishers and nosey church ladies. And gosh, it would be nice to say "i'm seeing someone." Or at least have someone to hug on a bad day... who doesn't have boobs.
Lemon Out
He did seem to enjoy our small party (6 people total, i think, its all a bit hazy) and texted that he would enjoy more get to gethers. I haven't heard from him since about 1:30am last night, but will be working with him tomorrow morning.
I've had plenty of time to think things over today. While I was brooding in my disappointment/wondering if its all for the best, I had a nice freak-out to the tune of Should I even bother waiting around for the elusive "good christian boy"?
Where am I even supposed to find these guys? Do they exist as single men in this area? Sure, I know plenty of high quality christian guys in the area... but they're all married.
I knew quite a few of these guys, still single, when I was in college, but never got asked out. I took initiative a few times, and got turned down. I caught wind of a rumor this past year, that I had been the object of desire by many a fellow while in school... but like I said, never got asked out. So what good does that do me? none.
So, as a Christian woman, what am I supposed to do with the religiously ambiguous? Its not like I can start conversations in polite company with "hi, can you please summarize your whole religious experience and belief system so that I can know whether or not its worth getting to know you. Kthanks."
But at some point it is necessary to at least nail down which camp you are in, and to some degree it matters. Plus, it eventually comes up, as I have a degree in Christian Theology.
Really, I know the answer to my current dilemma: don't get involved romantically with CPR, it will only lead to the next poorly defined relationship that can't go anywhere. But this lonely girl hears her biological clock ticking. Not to mention the reminders from family, friends, well wishers and nosey church ladies. And gosh, it would be nice to say "i'm seeing someone." Or at least have someone to hug on a bad day... who doesn't have boobs.
Lemon Out
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Lifeguard of Love
A while ago I mentioned a new hire at work, and i dubbed him CPR. We work together 2, sometimes 3 times a week. He opens up the pool at 5am, and I join in the fun at 10. We hang out, wash windows, listen to music, and talk talk talk til 1pm, when his shift ends, and he jumps in to lap swim. We are the worst lifeguard pair in the history of all my lifeguarding experience.
We've almost hung out a few times now. He almost went with my friend/boss and I to donate blood two weeks ago, but then chickened out. Then we almost went as a staff outting to the "Haunted Trails" being put on at the park where we work... but then I got sick. He's mentioned I could join him and his friends rock climbing, and we were discussing Halloween plans today while working.
Then he drops the bomb. He asks, if I don't have other plans, if maybe we could hit a bar or two halloween night. I said maybe, sure. I'm not sure if he asked me out, or if he just wants a familiar face to get shit faced with. Freak Out begins NOW!
I've been thinking about this guy for a week or two now. He's tall, dark, handsome, funny, intelligent, passionate, and super fun to work with! BUT, he's got no church background or current involvement. Getting involved with this guy is asking for trouble. Not that he's trouble, but didn't I learn anything from CLBF? Why would I want to jump into another relationship of any sort that I know won't go anywhere?
The church things is a huge deal breaker for me. And I need to start a new chapter in my life where I don't even start relationships with men who I know will break the deal.
Does that mean I don't want to get some mouth to mouth action with CPR until then? no... I want it bad.
BUT its a BAD IDEA. Follow my slippery slope here. I'm likely to have a friend's house as home base for Saturday night, since i Don't want to drive/drive 45 miles to get home. So, i've figured out how to not have to drive drunk, so I'll allow myself to drink. a lot. So, there I am, hanging out, drunk with CPR. I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me, and we have a nice drunk make out. Say, after this point, i bring him back to my friend's house. Now, drunk or not, I know i'm not going to sleep with him, but i'm sure more drunken make outs are to follow.
then Sunday morning, I have to not only do a walk of shame of sorts back to my parents house (45 mile drive), and maybe even straight to church. and really, is that the way to go to church? and then how do i face CPR when we work together monday? and then what are his expectataions? and when do i tell him that we shouldn't be together? and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I need help.
basically, to sum up that crazy rant, my self control has been needing daily pep talks.
Man, i think i need to quit boys for a while.
We've almost hung out a few times now. He almost went with my friend/boss and I to donate blood two weeks ago, but then chickened out. Then we almost went as a staff outting to the "Haunted Trails" being put on at the park where we work... but then I got sick. He's mentioned I could join him and his friends rock climbing, and we were discussing Halloween plans today while working.
Then he drops the bomb. He asks, if I don't have other plans, if maybe we could hit a bar or two halloween night. I said maybe, sure. I'm not sure if he asked me out, or if he just wants a familiar face to get shit faced with. Freak Out begins NOW!
I've been thinking about this guy for a week or two now. He's tall, dark, handsome, funny, intelligent, passionate, and super fun to work with! BUT, he's got no church background or current involvement. Getting involved with this guy is asking for trouble. Not that he's trouble, but didn't I learn anything from CLBF? Why would I want to jump into another relationship of any sort that I know won't go anywhere?
The church things is a huge deal breaker for me. And I need to start a new chapter in my life where I don't even start relationships with men who I know will break the deal.
Does that mean I don't want to get some mouth to mouth action with CPR until then? no... I want it bad.
BUT its a BAD IDEA. Follow my slippery slope here. I'm likely to have a friend's house as home base for Saturday night, since i Don't want to drive/drive 45 miles to get home. So, i've figured out how to not have to drive drunk, so I'll allow myself to drink. a lot. So, there I am, hanging out, drunk with CPR. I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me, and we have a nice drunk make out. Say, after this point, i bring him back to my friend's house. Now, drunk or not, I know i'm not going to sleep with him, but i'm sure more drunken make outs are to follow.
then Sunday morning, I have to not only do a walk of shame of sorts back to my parents house (45 mile drive), and maybe even straight to church. and really, is that the way to go to church? and then how do i face CPR when we work together monday? and then what are his expectataions? and when do i tell him that we shouldn't be together? and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I need help.
basically, to sum up that crazy rant, my self control has been needing daily pep talks.
Man, i think i need to quit boys for a while.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Playing Games!
So I've been playing games with a man... but wait, not in that way!!!
My new favorite activity is to go through my parents' DVR/Tivo and erase old shows, movies, episodes, etc to free up space! The best part... listening to Dad swear at the machine as he searches for something he recorded months ago, and just now feels like watching! BWAhahahahahah! He hasn't caught on in the slightest, and thinks the DVR has some sort of expiration date on shows that haven't been watched.
I probably shouldn't take so much joy out of confusing the hell out of Dad, but gosh its still funny! I'm really proud of myself for not giving myself away either!
Lemon Victorious!
My new favorite activity is to go through my parents' DVR/Tivo and erase old shows, movies, episodes, etc to free up space! The best part... listening to Dad swear at the machine as he searches for something he recorded months ago, and just now feels like watching! BWAhahahahahah! He hasn't caught on in the slightest, and thinks the DVR has some sort of expiration date on shows that haven't been watched.
I probably shouldn't take so much joy out of confusing the hell out of Dad, but gosh its still funny! I'm really proud of myself for not giving myself away either!
Lemon Victorious!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Music to Madness
I seem to be enjoying m titles lately. Hmmm.
Music. Sometimes I forget how much whats being pumped into my ears all day long can actually affect my mood. Sometimes I want to frolic. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes it makes me want to dance! More often than not, and especially with pop music, it makes me feel lonely and pathetic.
Specifically Kings of Leon's Use Somebody has me thinking of CLBF (he really really likes this band), but also, just in general, I hope that someone is looking for someone like me(Woooaoaaoooaoaoao whoaooaoaaoo).
I just recently stumbled upon this song, and i keep coming back to it. The lyrics have an interesting mix of emotions. It says/sings "i'm desperately searching to make a connection with someone... but not just anyone. THE one." Not even, necessarily, a girl, but looking for his best friend, whoever that may be. It also has a bit of an air of "oh shit, i think i just screwed up that relationship, how do i get it back?"
At first I thought those emotions were specific to the vocalist, and then I came across a few covers of the song, and I am reminded of the power of words. I'm not usually big into poetry, but this song speaks to me. The lyrics can stand alone, and they speak of desperation, and of hope.
Its like I'm in a crowd full of people, and I have to get through these hoards of people to get to "someone like you." And at the same time, I'm doing all i can so that you will notice "someone like me." If we could get a bird's eye view of the situation, you would see two people highlighted in a crowd, and you know they're meant to meet up with each other, but who knows if they will! They mingle and make their way through the crowd, but there is no guarantee they will even cross paths.
I don't even know who you are yet. Have we met? Have we mingled in the past? Do you know you're looking for me? How will i know I've met you?
Desperation.
Hope.
Maybe its not the best for me to linger on these types of thoughts, but as soon as I start to process these thoughts and finally put names and labels to the emotions it evokes, I can't help but think about it all the time.
In the same playlist on my ipod, is Jesse's Girl. Which then gets me wondering if I'm doomed to watch my person make a life with someone else. I've been through several experiences where my roommate gets the guy I want, and all I get is to be happy for them.
Then, after I'm all done thinking about being pathetically searching for my someone who will inevitably find someone else first, the song changes, and Lady Gaga starts pumping.
Who ever thought Lady Gaga would send me into another loop of the "i'm crazy" rollercoaster?!
One of her latest hits, "Paparazzi," got me thinking about how stalkerish i can become. I recently came across one of my old journals. Just a notebook filled with notebook paper that is covered with the nonsense of a 14 year old girl. I'm sure if i read it closely, i'd find something worth reading... but it would take a lot of searching. Most of it deserves to be burned, and never ever ever read.
How many boys was i in love with? most of the ones that actually spoke to me.
How many times did i scribble my and their names over and over and over again? lots.
How often was i convinced of our "soulmate-ness"? every time.
Is it my fault that I followed each of these boys around convinced that if i followed them around enough, they would then fall for me? Kinda. I mean, that's what happens in the movies and tv shows... and since i was socially awkward, I obviously thought that would happen for me too! I was (still can be) a bit (a lot) naive and oblivious to how real life relationships develop. Especially when lyrics like these are coursing through my head.
So, who knew that my workout playlist would make me think so much?! I need to start listening to songs that don't talk about love, or relationships, or people.
Eye of the Tiger it is.
Lemon out
Music. Sometimes I forget how much whats being pumped into my ears all day long can actually affect my mood. Sometimes I want to frolic. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes it makes me want to dance! More often than not, and especially with pop music, it makes me feel lonely and pathetic.
Specifically Kings of Leon's Use Somebody has me thinking of CLBF (he really really likes this band), but also, just in general, I hope that someone is looking for someone like me(Woooaoaaoooaoaoao whoaooaoaaoo).
I just recently stumbled upon this song, and i keep coming back to it. The lyrics have an interesting mix of emotions. It says/sings "i'm desperately searching to make a connection with someone... but not just anyone. THE one." Not even, necessarily, a girl, but looking for his best friend, whoever that may be. It also has a bit of an air of "oh shit, i think i just screwed up that relationship, how do i get it back?"
At first I thought those emotions were specific to the vocalist, and then I came across a few covers of the song, and I am reminded of the power of words. I'm not usually big into poetry, but this song speaks to me. The lyrics can stand alone, and they speak of desperation, and of hope.
Its like I'm in a crowd full of people, and I have to get through these hoards of people to get to "someone like you." And at the same time, I'm doing all i can so that you will notice "someone like me." If we could get a bird's eye view of the situation, you would see two people highlighted in a crowd, and you know they're meant to meet up with each other, but who knows if they will! They mingle and make their way through the crowd, but there is no guarantee they will even cross paths.
I don't even know who you are yet. Have we met? Have we mingled in the past? Do you know you're looking for me? How will i know I've met you?
Desperation.
Hope.
Maybe its not the best for me to linger on these types of thoughts, but as soon as I start to process these thoughts and finally put names and labels to the emotions it evokes, I can't help but think about it all the time.
In the same playlist on my ipod, is Jesse's Girl. Which then gets me wondering if I'm doomed to watch my person make a life with someone else. I've been through several experiences where my roommate gets the guy I want, and all I get is to be happy for them.
Then, after I'm all done thinking about being pathetically searching for my someone who will inevitably find someone else first, the song changes, and Lady Gaga starts pumping.
Who ever thought Lady Gaga would send me into another loop of the "i'm crazy" rollercoaster?!
One of her latest hits, "Paparazzi," got me thinking about how stalkerish i can become. I recently came across one of my old journals. Just a notebook filled with notebook paper that is covered with the nonsense of a 14 year old girl. I'm sure if i read it closely, i'd find something worth reading... but it would take a lot of searching. Most of it deserves to be burned, and never ever ever read.
How many boys was i in love with? most of the ones that actually spoke to me.
How many times did i scribble my and their names over and over and over again? lots.
How often was i convinced of our "soulmate-ness"? every time.
Is it my fault that I followed each of these boys around convinced that if i followed them around enough, they would then fall for me? Kinda. I mean, that's what happens in the movies and tv shows... and since i was socially awkward, I obviously thought that would happen for me too! I was (still can be) a bit (a lot) naive and oblivious to how real life relationships develop. Especially when lyrics like these are coursing through my head.
So, who knew that my workout playlist would make me think so much?! I need to start listening to songs that don't talk about love, or relationships, or people.
Eye of the Tiger it is.
Lemon out
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Mail to Male
So, I got the saddest little text from Ladder 20 the other day. it stated simply
"Please come home. :-("
It broke my poor heart. I've never considered driving three hundred miles just to give someone a hug until i read that message. I even made calls to find someone to carpool with me this past weekend, and unfortunately no one was available. It would have been great to see him, but it makes me think... what gestures can I make that don't make me look/feel like i'm throwing myself at a boy?
Can I travel several hundred miles for a surprise visit? As a girl, I've been tricked by this one before... what does a surprise visit mean? that you want more? or that you've just come for a visit? It can be awfully confusing, and not to mention he does work two jobs... would he have been able to take time off work? Surprises can be a bit of an inconvenience.
Can I send a care package? Again, what does this say? I would love to express how much i actually care, and want to cheer him up. Cookies? Brownies? a nice note? wrong time of the year/situation cards(i love sending the wrong card for any occasion)? I did procure his home address today with the excuse that i'm starting my christmas card address list, so perhaps a nice christmas card would be appropriate.
We've been texting, but it feels like i keep saying the same thing over and over. Plus it can be hard to get the right tone across in a text. I don't want to sound naggy when I want to sound cheerful! We don't really have a history of talking on the phone... so would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel a little burdened by other people's problems. Like its my responsibility to make their life better for them. I hate seeing my friends suffer, and i hate seeing them get burned out on life. Is it up to me to help Ladder 20 trudge through the every day? No, but I like knowing I can put a smile on his face or make him laugh. And I look forward to the upcoming day* when i can give him a hug!**
My optimism wins in the end, as it always does... for other people at least. But I suppose being convinced of everyone else's success and at the same time my impending failures is something to be saved for the shrink's couch. Or at least another day's freak out.
Lemon Out!
*I hope to make a visit east before the end of the year. The current budget isn't so sure this can happen though.
**Ladder told me that he put in two separate work outs today. I'm all for that! I love watching as scrawny kids turn into... MEN! mmmm firefighter muscles!
"Please come home. :-("
It broke my poor heart. I've never considered driving three hundred miles just to give someone a hug until i read that message. I even made calls to find someone to carpool with me this past weekend, and unfortunately no one was available. It would have been great to see him, but it makes me think... what gestures can I make that don't make me look/feel like i'm throwing myself at a boy?
Can I travel several hundred miles for a surprise visit? As a girl, I've been tricked by this one before... what does a surprise visit mean? that you want more? or that you've just come for a visit? It can be awfully confusing, and not to mention he does work two jobs... would he have been able to take time off work? Surprises can be a bit of an inconvenience.
Can I send a care package? Again, what does this say? I would love to express how much i actually care, and want to cheer him up. Cookies? Brownies? a nice note? wrong time of the year/situation cards(i love sending the wrong card for any occasion)? I did procure his home address today with the excuse that i'm starting my christmas card address list, so perhaps a nice christmas card would be appropriate.
We've been texting, but it feels like i keep saying the same thing over and over. Plus it can be hard to get the right tone across in a text. I don't want to sound naggy when I want to sound cheerful! We don't really have a history of talking on the phone... so would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel a little burdened by other people's problems. Like its my responsibility to make their life better for them. I hate seeing my friends suffer, and i hate seeing them get burned out on life. Is it up to me to help Ladder 20 trudge through the every day? No, but I like knowing I can put a smile on his face or make him laugh. And I look forward to the upcoming day* when i can give him a hug!**
My optimism wins in the end, as it always does... for other people at least. But I suppose being convinced of everyone else's success and at the same time my impending failures is something to be saved for the shrink's couch. Or at least another day's freak out.
Lemon Out!
*I hope to make a visit east before the end of the year. The current budget isn't so sure this can happen though.
**Ladder told me that he put in two separate work outs today. I'm all for that! I love watching as scrawny kids turn into... MEN! mmmm firefighter muscles!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Cut Hours
Well, remember that time when I didn't have to worry about all my hours? Ya... those days are gone. So, I suppose with all the new free time I've been given, I can start actually applying to some of the places I've been researching.
I miss CLBF and Ladder 20. I haven't heard from CLBF since we officially quit, but its taken everything i have not to text him allllll the time. or at all. Ladder is swamped with work and school and being an all around superhero. There still is a desire to intoxicate him (with love, and not with substances that he's not legally old enough to partake of yet) and throw myself at him. But we'll keep that as plan B for now.
And my paycheck, which is supposed to deposit at midnight, hasn't come through yet.
And I still can't get photoshop to work at all on my computer. boo.
But Choir was great this evening... even with all the chatty cathys. Seriously, you can't shut up for 2 minutes?
ok, back to complaining i guess.
or sleep. lets try this sleep thing...
Lemon out.
I miss CLBF and Ladder 20. I haven't heard from CLBF since we officially quit, but its taken everything i have not to text him allllll the time. or at all. Ladder is swamped with work and school and being an all around superhero. There still is a desire to intoxicate him (with love, and not with substances that he's not legally old enough to partake of yet) and throw myself at him. But we'll keep that as plan B for now.
And my paycheck, which is supposed to deposit at midnight, hasn't come through yet.
And I still can't get photoshop to work at all on my computer. boo.
But Choir was great this evening... even with all the chatty cathys. Seriously, you can't shut up for 2 minutes?
ok, back to complaining i guess.
or sleep. lets try this sleep thing...
Lemon out.
Bad Dates
I got an offer from a co-worker to set me up with a really nice guy she knows. Sure. I'm up for anything at this point! But it kinda got me thinking about a few of the very weird dates I've been on in the last year.
I hate to admit that I took a dip in the vast ocean of internet dating, but I did. I got a few cups of tea and a dinner out of the whole experience, but overall it was a disaster.
Match #1 met me for coffee, and while we seemed to have a good time, he never called me back. Oh well.
Match #2 met me for coffee. He introduced himself while i was standing in line for my drink, and literally threw his credit card at the cashier when it was my turn to pay. We sat down, chatted, and after a few failed joke attempts he admitted to having google searched my name and email address. CREEPY! (at the time, nothing showed up when i googled my favorite screenname/email address. phew!)
After not accepting a second date offer, he tried chewing me out for having unrealistic expectations for relationships. Sorry if "being attracted to you, finding you interesting, and overall chemistry" falls under "unrealistic" but I'm gonna stick with those.
Match #3 wanted to take me out for dinner for reals, then perhaps minigolf. We met at the Dirty Bird and asked for a table for two. The hostess showed us to a half booth-half table combo, and he wanted nothing to do with it!
"Why can't we have that booth?" He asks. And as the Hostess stops to think (ya know... is that section still available?) He speaks up again!
"Either we get that booth, or you lose our business." There is no messing around. Its either a booth or nothing with this guy.
Later in the conversation I mention how rude he had been to the hostess, and he came back with a line about wanting the best for his date, and the restaurant should always bend to the customer's will. I called BS, and that was the point where we both knew there wouldn't be a second date. In fact, we never made it to minigolf. And I was ok with that.
Now, I'll admit that I wasn't really on my most polite behavior that night, but if you're going to make a fuss about what kind of table you want, then take initiative and talk to the hostess before seating... or take your date somewhere nicer that a chain restaurant that nukes all of its food.
I hate to admit that I took a dip in the vast ocean of internet dating, but I did. I got a few cups of tea and a dinner out of the whole experience, but overall it was a disaster.
Match #1 met me for coffee, and while we seemed to have a good time, he never called me back. Oh well.
Match #2 met me for coffee. He introduced himself while i was standing in line for my drink, and literally threw his credit card at the cashier when it was my turn to pay. We sat down, chatted, and after a few failed joke attempts he admitted to having google searched my name and email address. CREEPY! (at the time, nothing showed up when i googled my favorite screenname/email address. phew!)
After not accepting a second date offer, he tried chewing me out for having unrealistic expectations for relationships. Sorry if "being attracted to you, finding you interesting, and overall chemistry" falls under "unrealistic" but I'm gonna stick with those.
Match #3 wanted to take me out for dinner for reals, then perhaps minigolf. We met at the Dirty Bird and asked for a table for two. The hostess showed us to a half booth-half table combo, and he wanted nothing to do with it!
"Why can't we have that booth?" He asks. And as the Hostess stops to think (ya know... is that section still available?) He speaks up again!
"Either we get that booth, or you lose our business." There is no messing around. Its either a booth or nothing with this guy.
Later in the conversation I mention how rude he had been to the hostess, and he came back with a line about wanting the best for his date, and the restaurant should always bend to the customer's will. I called BS, and that was the point where we both knew there wouldn't be a second date. In fact, we never made it to minigolf. And I was ok with that.
Now, I'll admit that I wasn't really on my most polite behavior that night, but if you're going to make a fuss about what kind of table you want, then take initiative and talk to the hostess before seating... or take your date somewhere nicer that a chain restaurant that nukes all of its food.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Family Feud
Dammit, does my mom know how to make me feel like I'm a failure.
Any further explanation of the situation just frustrates me, but I don't like being the receiver of passive aggression, then later cornered.
and for once it'd be nice to hear "good job" in stead of "oh..."
And PLEASE stop saying things like "i didn't raise you to behave like that"
I need out of this house.
Any further explanation of the situation just frustrates me, but I don't like being the receiver of passive aggression, then later cornered.
and for once it'd be nice to hear "good job" in stead of "oh..."
And PLEASE stop saying things like "i didn't raise you to behave like that"
I need out of this house.
Monday, September 21, 2009
NEXT!
Well, I'm ready to be done feeling like this:
And instead I'd like to feel like this:
There's a new guy just hired this morning at my pool. AND he might just be age appropriate. We'll call him CPR, and hope that we get a little mouth to mouth action!
And instead I'd like to feel like this:
There's a new guy just hired this morning at my pool. AND he might just be age appropriate. We'll call him CPR, and hope that we get a little mouth to mouth action!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
What Did I DO!?!?!?
OMG.
Seriously, did i really call it quits with him? Am i running away from my real feelings? Or was it the right thing to do, and I'm just kinda desperate for any attention from a guy?
You know how long its been since i liked the same guy that liked me? TOO LONG. Am i too picky? Am i unapproachable? will i just fall for the next guy, and settle? what if its the next guy after that who i'm supposed to be with? how do i get to him?
Why did i let clbf go?
Why do i want to be in a relationship with this guy only when we're not together? and then the moment things are good i want to jump ship? I am a rollercoaster... and possibly crazy. Should i just stick to cats?
ugh.
new hannah montana episode.
good thing very few people read this blog.
Seriously, did i really call it quits with him? Am i running away from my real feelings? Or was it the right thing to do, and I'm just kinda desperate for any attention from a guy?
You know how long its been since i liked the same guy that liked me? TOO LONG. Am i too picky? Am i unapproachable? will i just fall for the next guy, and settle? what if its the next guy after that who i'm supposed to be with? how do i get to him?
Why did i let clbf go?
Why do i want to be in a relationship with this guy only when we're not together? and then the moment things are good i want to jump ship? I am a rollercoaster... and possibly crazy. Should i just stick to cats?
ugh.
new hannah montana episode.
good thing very few people read this blog.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Regrets?
Warning: on a freak out scale of 1-5, this is a 10
So, well, things were actually kinda going well with CLBF. We were texting, and well into the night several nights in a row. He was initiating the conversations, and started calling me "baby" again. And then I realized... Its not helping.
It doesn't make me miss him less, it's not helping me get over him, or move on... in fact, its making it worse. And so, I said so, and at first he wished me luck, and said to take care of myself, and goodbye... then asks "could you enlighten me as to why you keep running away?" UGH! Shoot me right in the heart. Worst part? He used my name. Not just "baby," not my nickname, but my full real name. He meant business.
I replied with "an overwhelming fear of getting hurt" and he comes back with a cliche about living life to the fullest without fear. I know he meant it, and I'm sure he's sick of me hiding from my feelings... but for crying out loud! We live 300 miles apart. I told him what i want vs what i need are different right now, and that I'm home now. He wished me "all the best."
He was the one who called it quits the first time. And I had told him from the beginning that I would be moving at the end of the summer. And then he had to go and evoke all sorts of warm fuzzy emotions. And then, just when I thought I was in control of myself, he goes and makes me realize that dammit, I don't want to let him go.
It was the right thing to do. I need to move on, I need to let him move on. Ya, we're both lonely, ya we miss each other, but holding on to something that isn't going to work is just a recipe to hurt each other more. I hope I haven't hurt him. I want him to be happy, but he needs a different girl, and ultimately I need a different boy.
It hurts this time. Re-breaking up with my ex-not-boyfriend hurts like hell. Its really over, and for the sake of being fair to both of us, I need to not revisit this. Oh, I'll probably complain and whine and sulk about it for quite some time, don't you worry, but no revival tour on this heartache.
I'm going to go find donuts.
Lemon Out.
So, well, things were actually kinda going well with CLBF. We were texting, and well into the night several nights in a row. He was initiating the conversations, and started calling me "baby" again. And then I realized... Its not helping.
It doesn't make me miss him less, it's not helping me get over him, or move on... in fact, its making it worse. And so, I said so, and at first he wished me luck, and said to take care of myself, and goodbye... then asks "could you enlighten me as to why you keep running away?" UGH! Shoot me right in the heart. Worst part? He used my name. Not just "baby," not my nickname, but my full real name. He meant business.
I replied with "an overwhelming fear of getting hurt" and he comes back with a cliche about living life to the fullest without fear. I know he meant it, and I'm sure he's sick of me hiding from my feelings... but for crying out loud! We live 300 miles apart. I told him what i want vs what i need are different right now, and that I'm home now. He wished me "all the best."
He was the one who called it quits the first time. And I had told him from the beginning that I would be moving at the end of the summer. And then he had to go and evoke all sorts of warm fuzzy emotions. And then, just when I thought I was in control of myself, he goes and makes me realize that dammit, I don't want to let him go.
It was the right thing to do. I need to move on, I need to let him move on. Ya, we're both lonely, ya we miss each other, but holding on to something that isn't going to work is just a recipe to hurt each other more. I hope I haven't hurt him. I want him to be happy, but he needs a different girl, and ultimately I need a different boy.
It hurts this time. Re-breaking up with my ex-not-boyfriend hurts like hell. Its really over, and for the sake of being fair to both of us, I need to not revisit this. Oh, I'll probably complain and whine and sulk about it for quite some time, don't you worry, but no revival tour on this heartache.
I'm going to go find donuts.
Lemon Out.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Leopards, and Jaguars... and the irresistable call of the Cougars! OH MY
I'm teaching swim lessons again. Its actually more fun than I should get paid for. And the little tykes LOVE ME!!! In the last two days, I've had almost every mom or dad tell me that their 3 year olds all talk about "miss [teacher]" at home all day! They're all excited to see me at the pool... although it doesn't seem to stop them from freaking out about putting their faces in the water.
I can deal with timidity and nervousness in the pool. The water is a little bit cold, and a bit deep for someone that size, as most of their toes don't even touch the bottom. Oh to have a wading pool, or a removable table to stick in the water. BUT, the thing that drives me CRAZY is clinginess. Several of these youngsters have a grip like a vice, and it always seems to be sensitive places they tend to pinch. Like upper arm flab, around the neck, or (as it seems) a favorite: my boobs.
They jump off the wall, or begin a simple front glide, and... HONK! They got me! No wonder the dads like to watch from the sides, as each of their children grab the front of my body, or the neck of my swimsuit and yank. We've had some close calls, and its only the third lesson of the session.
Another, very odd occurrence happened in the last two days as well. Now, last week, one mother of a very nervous child asked what she could do to help. I suggested lots of songs and games in the bathtub, talking about how much fun it is to swim, come to Open Swim time as a family, etc etc etc. She asked if maybe they could bring a favorite bathtub toy, to see if that helped. I said SURE! What a great idea!
Monday morning rolls around (very quickly and early), and this vibrant young girl shows up, in her suit, and seems to be very confident today. She holds up a small toy, says very matter of factly "Jaguars are very good swimmers" and shows me her Jaguar. We used this toy as bait to get her to push off the wall and reach for me. It worked, a bit. But several times throughout the lesson, she apparently needed Jaguar storage, so she shoved it down the front of my suit. My protests of "thats not where Jaguars go!" didn't seem to bother her at all.
Then Tuesday morning a different girl shows up for her swim lesson showing off her Leopard figurine! Its about the same size as the Jaguar, but obviously from a different artist/manufacturer/zoo animal collection. This girl has been a bit of a challenge overall. Her mom speaks to her in Russian, and she doesn't seem to speak much at all. Now, she makes a lot of noise, but rarely are they recognizable words. I'm pretty sure they're not russian, and that for the most part she's just screaching. She is also very nervous in the water, and quite grabby. I've gotten honked a few times by this girl, and she's always got her hands somewhere... a lot around the neck. I try to use the Leopard in the same fashion as the Jaguar, and try to bait her to make attempts at the class goals... but no. She screams, reaches, grabs (at everything), then finally, once she's got her hands on the Leopard... boom. down my swim suit.
Two different girls, different ages, different days and times at the pool (I doubt they've ever met), both shoving cat figurines in between the ladies.
The ladies are very nice... CLBF still seems interested in them*... but they are NOT for storage of toy zoo animals!
That is all. Lemon out.
Yup, Still texting clbf. yup, he said he like my boobs. really, i'm not complaining.
I can deal with timidity and nervousness in the pool. The water is a little bit cold, and a bit deep for someone that size, as most of their toes don't even touch the bottom. Oh to have a wading pool, or a removable table to stick in the water. BUT, the thing that drives me CRAZY is clinginess. Several of these youngsters have a grip like a vice, and it always seems to be sensitive places they tend to pinch. Like upper arm flab, around the neck, or (as it seems) a favorite: my boobs.
They jump off the wall, or begin a simple front glide, and... HONK! They got me! No wonder the dads like to watch from the sides, as each of their children grab the front of my body, or the neck of my swimsuit and yank. We've had some close calls, and its only the third lesson of the session.
Another, very odd occurrence happened in the last two days as well. Now, last week, one mother of a very nervous child asked what she could do to help. I suggested lots of songs and games in the bathtub, talking about how much fun it is to swim, come to Open Swim time as a family, etc etc etc. She asked if maybe they could bring a favorite bathtub toy, to see if that helped. I said SURE! What a great idea!
Monday morning rolls around (very quickly and early), and this vibrant young girl shows up, in her suit, and seems to be very confident today. She holds up a small toy, says very matter of factly "Jaguars are very good swimmers" and shows me her Jaguar. We used this toy as bait to get her to push off the wall and reach for me. It worked, a bit. But several times throughout the lesson, she apparently needed Jaguar storage, so she shoved it down the front of my suit. My protests of "thats not where Jaguars go!" didn't seem to bother her at all.
Then Tuesday morning a different girl shows up for her swim lesson showing off her Leopard figurine! Its about the same size as the Jaguar, but obviously from a different artist/manufacturer/zoo animal collection. This girl has been a bit of a challenge overall. Her mom speaks to her in Russian, and she doesn't seem to speak much at all. Now, she makes a lot of noise, but rarely are they recognizable words. I'm pretty sure they're not russian, and that for the most part she's just screaching. She is also very nervous in the water, and quite grabby. I've gotten honked a few times by this girl, and she's always got her hands somewhere... a lot around the neck. I try to use the Leopard in the same fashion as the Jaguar, and try to bait her to make attempts at the class goals... but no. She screams, reaches, grabs (at everything), then finally, once she's got her hands on the Leopard... boom. down my swim suit.
Two different girls, different ages, different days and times at the pool (I doubt they've ever met), both shoving cat figurines in between the ladies.
The ladies are very nice... CLBF still seems interested in them*... but they are NOT for storage of toy zoo animals!
That is all. Lemon out.
Yup, Still texting clbf. yup, he said he like my boobs. really, i'm not complaining.
Monday, September 14, 2009
texts
The Farmer. he's driving me CRAZZZY!
I don't usually take the time to transcribe texts into blogs, but this is worth it.
So, Sunday afternoon, after I've spend ALL day helping my dad re-tar the driveway, and scrape a lot of moss off the roof, I find a text or two on my phone!
"oh boy" I say, as I poke buttons to read them.
"oh crap" I say after I read them
Farmer: 5:37 pm Ever been to the __ Art Museum?
Farmer: 6:11 pm Nevermind I guess.
Me: 6:12 Where is it?
Farmer: 6:16 pm I was wondering if you saw that text. Ha ha... its in [big city] near [hospital].
Me: 6:17 pm I JUST finished re-tarring the driveway. No, i don't think i've ever been there.
Farmer: 6:21 pm I apologize for being indignant. I would really like to visit it sometime and wondered if you'd be free next weekend and would be interested.
Farmer: 6:26 pm I'm really sorry if I'm being a thorn in your side, but honestly "busy" and "not interested" look pretty similar. Please forgive my impatience.
Me: 7:11 Can you let me reply before you assume i'm blowing you off? And maybe its just best for me to say now i'm not interested.
Farmer: 7:13 pm Well it was an assumption built on a lot of evidence. I do appreciate the condor.
So, Gosh, that was confusing. Then this evening, on my way home from work, I noticed my phone was calling the Farmer... his name being on the top of my contacts list. I hung up,
Farmer 7:55pm You Rang?
Me: 7:55pm Haha you got butt dialed. Sorry!
Farmer 7:56pm I guess it was out of character.
Me: 8:01pm I Don't really know how to respond to that...
Farmer 8:05 I apologize once again for catching you off guard by being blunt.
I just don't even know what to do with him. I don't like dealing with 14 y/0 old girl texts...
I don't usually take the time to transcribe texts into blogs, but this is worth it.
So, Sunday afternoon, after I've spend ALL day helping my dad re-tar the driveway, and scrape a lot of moss off the roof, I find a text or two on my phone!
"oh boy" I say, as I poke buttons to read them.
"oh crap" I say after I read them
Farmer: 5:37 pm Ever been to the __ Art Museum?
Farmer: 6:11 pm Nevermind I guess.
Me: 6:12 Where is it?
Farmer: 6:16 pm I was wondering if you saw that text. Ha ha... its in [big city] near [hospital].
Me: 6:17 pm I JUST finished re-tarring the driveway. No, i don't think i've ever been there.
Farmer: 6:21 pm I apologize for being indignant. I would really like to visit it sometime and wondered if you'd be free next weekend and would be interested.
Farmer: 6:26 pm I'm really sorry if I'm being a thorn in your side, but honestly "busy" and "not interested" look pretty similar. Please forgive my impatience.
Me: 7:11 Can you let me reply before you assume i'm blowing you off? And maybe its just best for me to say now i'm not interested.
Farmer: 7:13 pm Well it was an assumption built on a lot of evidence. I do appreciate the condor.
So, Gosh, that was confusing. Then this evening, on my way home from work, I noticed my phone was calling the Farmer... his name being on the top of my contacts list. I hung up,
Farmer 7:55pm You Rang?
Me: 7:55pm Haha you got butt dialed. Sorry!
Farmer 7:56pm I guess it was out of character.
Me: 8:01pm I Don't really know how to respond to that...
Farmer 8:05 I apologize once again for catching you off guard by being blunt.
I just don't even know what to do with him. I don't like dealing with 14 y/0 old girl texts...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
First things first, the date with the Farmer was... platonic. He's a nice, attractive, funny guy. And yet, no chemistry. He didn't try to order me food, although made suggestions on what was supposed to be good. We talked about our mutual friend, and although the conversation would move away from her, it always seemed to circle back to her. Not in a "i wish i were on a date with her instead" type of way, but in a "i'm not sure what to talk with you about, so we'll go back to abusing our mutual friend" way.
It was fun to hang out and talk, and he did buy dinner, but didn't try for a goodnight kiss. Heck! He didn't even try for a hug or a handshake either. Just a "where are you parked? there? ok, bye" and then he disappeared. They always say you can tell by the kiss... but I guess I'll never know.
Still thinking about guys, at a housewarming party last night, i met two more guys that friends want to set me up with, and then met a few more single gentlemen as well. Of the crowd, two are worth mentioning.
1st there's the guy who makes more in a year than I owe in student loans. SERIOUSLY!!! He seems to be pretty shy, and i wasn't really able to get him in a 0ne on one conversation all night, but in various group conversations he seemed funny and intelligent. I like both of those things. I expressed to a friend that knows him, that I'd be all for a real date, or smaller social function with this fellow. Although apparently he is pretty sensitive about his income, I can't seem to think of a better name for him than Rich Uncle Pennybags.
There was another guy that was very charismatic and quite the life of the party. We'll call him The Charmer. We discussed the appropriate time of year for various pies, and came up with a pie calendar. He was far more outgoing than Pennybags, but outgoing doesn't always mean more personality. They actually seem to know each other very well... and I'm not usually one for friend group incest, so we'll see if i can get dates out of both of them, or just one. Based on the friend recommendation, I've got a lot in common with Pennybags, and probably not so much with the charmer... other than our good looks and charismatic personalities.
Of course, with all these new opportunities, you would think that I would have closed the doors to all the ambiguity of the boys I left behind... but no. CLBF and I texted til 3am the other night, and I've heard from him every day since. I was definitely flirtier than I should have been, and this isn't really something I should continue, as I'm trying to get over him. Well, nothing like an unresolved almost romance to confuse a girl.
And speaking of being a girl... Dad seems to forget this point every once in a while. I'm pretty sure I would have turned out a whole lot more feminine if I had grown up with a brother. Instead, I've been treated like the son my dad never had, and I'll be removing moss from the house roof this afternoon. Oh... I'll probably find the football game on the radio to listen to so as to complete the effect.
Lemon Out.
It was fun to hang out and talk, and he did buy dinner, but didn't try for a goodnight kiss. Heck! He didn't even try for a hug or a handshake either. Just a "where are you parked? there? ok, bye" and then he disappeared. They always say you can tell by the kiss... but I guess I'll never know.
Still thinking about guys, at a housewarming party last night, i met two more guys that friends want to set me up with, and then met a few more single gentlemen as well. Of the crowd, two are worth mentioning.
1st there's the guy who makes more in a year than I owe in student loans. SERIOUSLY!!! He seems to be pretty shy, and i wasn't really able to get him in a 0ne on one conversation all night, but in various group conversations he seemed funny and intelligent. I like both of those things. I expressed to a friend that knows him, that I'd be all for a real date, or smaller social function with this fellow. Although apparently he is pretty sensitive about his income, I can't seem to think of a better name for him than Rich Uncle Pennybags.
There was another guy that was very charismatic and quite the life of the party. We'll call him The Charmer. We discussed the appropriate time of year for various pies, and came up with a pie calendar. He was far more outgoing than Pennybags, but outgoing doesn't always mean more personality. They actually seem to know each other very well... and I'm not usually one for friend group incest, so we'll see if i can get dates out of both of them, or just one. Based on the friend recommendation, I've got a lot in common with Pennybags, and probably not so much with the charmer... other than our good looks and charismatic personalities.
Of course, with all these new opportunities, you would think that I would have closed the doors to all the ambiguity of the boys I left behind... but no. CLBF and I texted til 3am the other night, and I've heard from him every day since. I was definitely flirtier than I should have been, and this isn't really something I should continue, as I'm trying to get over him. Well, nothing like an unresolved almost romance to confuse a girl.
And speaking of being a girl... Dad seems to forget this point every once in a while. I'm pretty sure I would have turned out a whole lot more feminine if I had grown up with a brother. Instead, I've been treated like the son my dad never had, and I'll be removing moss from the house roof this afternoon. Oh... I'll probably find the football game on the radio to listen to so as to complete the effect.
Lemon Out.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Job call back
I got a very nice voicemail from a lady yesterday about a job I applied for... in my old city. Which means it took them 8 months at least to get back to me, as I stopped applying for jobs in that area back in February. GEEZE!!!
No word back from any of the other jobs I've applied for here.
Date with the Farmer is tomorrow. We're going to get Thai Food. I hope it will be a good time, but I have this strange feeling that he's going to try to order my food for me. I pray I'm wrong.
I've finally set up my new printer, and have been getting things ready to decorate my locker at work.
Also I have tickets to see some cool bands at a local fair, and just realized its the same night as my guilty pleasure pop star concert. Is it pathetic I'm disappointed as to which show I'm going to?
No word back from any of the other jobs I've applied for here.
Date with the Farmer is tomorrow. We're going to get Thai Food. I hope it will be a good time, but I have this strange feeling that he's going to try to order my food for me. I pray I'm wrong.
I've finally set up my new printer, and have been getting things ready to decorate my locker at work.
Also I have tickets to see some cool bands at a local fair, and just realized its the same night as my guilty pleasure pop star concert. Is it pathetic I'm disappointed as to which show I'm going to?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Welp... I moved
I moved. 300 miles away from my autonomous life, and back into my parents' basement. I've got my old room back, Dad is fixing up my old car, and I'm back to the same line of work that I did in high school. Its kinda just like being 18 again. EW.
If looked at in a different light: I've got a 36 hr/week job, i'm not paying rent, and I've got plenty of experience to do what doing. Oh, plus i got asked out. More on that later.
The thing is... I miss my old city. I miss Ladder 20. A LOT. I miss my friends, and one of my old jobs. Is it a little pathetic that instead of being really excited about an age appropriate guy, who lives in the area, I'm yearning for a man child who lives too far away? Oh the heart.
So, new guy. We're going to call him the Farmer. He's a friend of one of my longest term best friends. We officially met in may, when the whole group of us went camping. We got stuck as tent buddies when said long term best friend "forgot" the poles to the tent I was supposed to be sleeping in. We had a good time camping... invented a better breakfast version of eggos sm'ores, talked nerd books, made fun of long term best friend. He's very funny, not terrible to look at, and seems to be a nice guy.
So, I got this voicemail yesterday afternoon, from the Farmer, and it says "hey, you tell best friend to give you some time off so i can take you to dinner: (best friend who had taken pity on me and hired me short term). The whole message had an air of "ok, you can do it, just do it... ahhhh! i'm doing it... must sound brave and confident." It was kinda nice, but at the same time, he didn't really ask me if i wanted to go to dinner. I'll give farmer a date or two.
I have this feeling that he should be everything i want... and yet... sigh.
If looked at in a different light: I've got a 36 hr/week job, i'm not paying rent, and I've got plenty of experience to do what doing. Oh, plus i got asked out. More on that later.
The thing is... I miss my old city. I miss Ladder 20. A LOT. I miss my friends, and one of my old jobs. Is it a little pathetic that instead of being really excited about an age appropriate guy, who lives in the area, I'm yearning for a man child who lives too far away? Oh the heart.
So, new guy. We're going to call him the Farmer. He's a friend of one of my longest term best friends. We officially met in may, when the whole group of us went camping. We got stuck as tent buddies when said long term best friend "forgot" the poles to the tent I was supposed to be sleeping in. We had a good time camping... invented a better breakfast version of eggos sm'ores, talked nerd books, made fun of long term best friend. He's very funny, not terrible to look at, and seems to be a nice guy.
So, I got this voicemail yesterday afternoon, from the Farmer, and it says "hey, you tell best friend to give you some time off so i can take you to dinner: (best friend who had taken pity on me and hired me short term). The whole message had an air of "ok, you can do it, just do it... ahhhh! i'm doing it... must sound brave and confident." It was kinda nice, but at the same time, he didn't really ask me if i wanted to go to dinner. I'll give farmer a date or two.
I have this feeling that he should be everything i want... and yet... sigh.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Left foot in, Right foot out.
Sometimes I feel torn about this impending move. Friends here are sad that I'm leaving, but friends and family over there have been complaining about my absence for a few years now. I've missed every family event for almost three years, and yet I'll be giving up a lot of autonomy in just 9 days.
This is the right thing for me to do. There will be other boys (perhaps even men), and I'll still have the ability to come visit. This isn't goodbye forever. We have anonymous blogs, facebook, myspace, telephones, texting, and email to keep us connected. This isn't the last this city has seen of my face either.
The date with Ladder 20 was just amazing. We frolfed all around my alma matter, then sat in rocking chairs on the lawn and discussed life. He bought me frozen yogurt, then we walked back to my house where we played with my kitty, and he was given a bunt cake and instructions to write an essay on "How You Plan On Supporting My Roommate." He hasn't turned his essay in yet, but on the whole he's a quality young man, and I sure hope he finds a girl that deserves him. That is assuming I don't stuff him in my suitcase and drag him across the state with me. I'm still considering this option.
I've decided that I will text CLBF and invite him to my going away bbq next week, but am already ok with the probability that he will not come.
And now back to listening to Harry Potter.
This is the right thing for me to do. There will be other boys (perhaps even men), and I'll still have the ability to come visit. This isn't goodbye forever. We have anonymous blogs, facebook, myspace, telephones, texting, and email to keep us connected. This isn't the last this city has seen of my face either.
The date with Ladder 20 was just amazing. We frolfed all around my alma matter, then sat in rocking chairs on the lawn and discussed life. He bought me frozen yogurt, then we walked back to my house where we played with my kitty, and he was given a bunt cake and instructions to write an essay on "How You Plan On Supporting My Roommate." He hasn't turned his essay in yet, but on the whole he's a quality young man, and I sure hope he finds a girl that deserves him. That is assuming I don't stuff him in my suitcase and drag him across the state with me. I'm still considering this option.
I've decided that I will text CLBF and invite him to my going away bbq next week, but am already ok with the probability that he will not come.
And now back to listening to Harry Potter.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Escalator
Now, as much as I like riding escalators: one of the few transportation devices that doesn't leave me motion sick, sadly I'm not talking about moving stairs. Also, I am constantly freaked out that a shoelace will get stuck in one eventually, and carnage will ensue... even when i'm not wearing shoes with laces. I think that's a different post tho: my many irrational fears.
I'm talking about the person who always takes it to the next level. This can be either frustrating or fun, depending on the situation and persons involved.
Example 1: The Frustrating Escalator:
I have a friend, and we'll call him the Apostle. Apostle struggles with social norms and boundaries to begin with. He's at least broken the habit of door lurking, but rarely recognizes the cues that the evening/event is over. Also, after lots of bruises it became clear that horseplay is not fun with the Apostle. You poke him, he punches you. You give a playful shove, he tackles you to the ground. You grab a wrist or arm, he suddenly has you in a half-nelson. Yuck.
The Apostle also has the tendency to be lacking in clear direction in his life, and has taken to attempting everyone else's hobbies, and buying better equipment for them. I buy a camera, he gets a better one. Mutual friend one takes up the banjo, he also buys one. Mutual friend 2 starts brewing beer, Apostle claims this is his next feat!
The Apostle is an escalator in the most obnoxious form... the kind with money.
Example 2: The Flirtatious Escalator:
Ladder 20 has also proven to be an escalator. I mean, the whole marriage started over my declaration of ability to play frisbee, and he declares his undying love and proposes marriage.
It may just be that the difference between an annoying person and a someone you intend to flirt with, is their ability to read surroundings, and know when things are appropriate.
Don't get me wrong, most of the texts I've received from Ladder aren't really fit to be read out loud, but they are appropriate in the sense that they fit the conversation we'd been having. He seems to know when to say things out loud, and when to text them, hasn't tried to strangle me, nor tried to break my nose while rough-housing. I appreciate this.
While Ex-CLBF always accused me of flirting with him (a non-escalator, if i've ever met one), Ladder takes the ball and runs! I say lets have kids, next day he says we have four; I say I'm glad he's a firefighter, he mentions the size of his hose, etc etc etc.
All in all, escalators can either make life a whole lot of fun, or rather stressful. Here's hoping I get to deal with more flirts!
Lemon Out!
I'm talking about the person who always takes it to the next level. This can be either frustrating or fun, depending on the situation and persons involved.
Example 1: The Frustrating Escalator:
I have a friend, and we'll call him the Apostle. Apostle struggles with social norms and boundaries to begin with. He's at least broken the habit of door lurking, but rarely recognizes the cues that the evening/event is over. Also, after lots of bruises it became clear that horseplay is not fun with the Apostle. You poke him, he punches you. You give a playful shove, he tackles you to the ground. You grab a wrist or arm, he suddenly has you in a half-nelson. Yuck.
The Apostle also has the tendency to be lacking in clear direction in his life, and has taken to attempting everyone else's hobbies, and buying better equipment for them. I buy a camera, he gets a better one. Mutual friend one takes up the banjo, he also buys one. Mutual friend 2 starts brewing beer, Apostle claims this is his next feat!
The Apostle is an escalator in the most obnoxious form... the kind with money.
Example 2: The Flirtatious Escalator:
Ladder 20 has also proven to be an escalator. I mean, the whole marriage started over my declaration of ability to play frisbee, and he declares his undying love and proposes marriage.
It may just be that the difference between an annoying person and a someone you intend to flirt with, is their ability to read surroundings, and know when things are appropriate.
Don't get me wrong, most of the texts I've received from Ladder aren't really fit to be read out loud, but they are appropriate in the sense that they fit the conversation we'd been having. He seems to know when to say things out loud, and when to text them, hasn't tried to strangle me, nor tried to break my nose while rough-housing. I appreciate this.
While Ex-CLBF always accused me of flirting with him (a non-escalator, if i've ever met one), Ladder takes the ball and runs! I say lets have kids, next day he says we have four; I say I'm glad he's a firefighter, he mentions the size of his hose, etc etc etc.
All in all, escalators can either make life a whole lot of fun, or rather stressful. Here's hoping I get to deal with more flirts!
Lemon Out!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The Roar of the Cougar!
So, now that things have ended with CLBF, I am free to, ya know... upgrade to a newer model! That's right kids, at 26 years old, and with a little less than three weeks til I move 300 miles west, I've got a date with a 20 year old. He's a very nice, extremely funny young man, not to mention cuter than a button! We'll call him Ladder 20.
Ladder and I are going to frisbee golf (frolf) and get some ice cream on friday night. He's also started calling me "hun," which is a little more intimate than the normal things we call each other. Oh, he's my work husband, and so typically I just call him "husband," and he yells for "Wife!" There's a whole lot of laughter over the whole joke, but (insert freak out) what the hell am i going to do if Ladder actually has feelings for me!? What if he goes in for a kiss? Or wants more of a frolic than just frolfing?
Well, i suppose a little smooch isn't gonna hurt anyone... unless of course CLBF shows back up... but that's doubtful.
Also, now that i've learned to hyperlink, i might be out of control!
Ladder and I are going to frisbee golf (frolf) and get some ice cream on friday night. He's also started calling me "hun," which is a little more intimate than the normal things we call each other. Oh, he's my work husband, and so typically I just call him "husband," and he yells for "Wife!" There's a whole lot of laughter over the whole joke, but (insert freak out) what the hell am i going to do if Ladder actually has feelings for me!? What if he goes in for a kiss? Or wants more of a frolic than just frolfing?
Well, i suppose a little smooch isn't gonna hurt anyone... unless of course CLBF shows back up... but that's doubtful.
Also, now that i've learned to hyperlink, i might be out of control!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I Got Nerve!
Yup, that was a Hannah Montana quote!
Confession #1: I enjoy Disney Channel-esq tween sitcoms. HM, Zack and Cody, iCarly, etc etc etc. They're silly, and have predictable characters, but nonetheless, I like them.
Confession #2: I eat in bed. Almost exclusively. Rarely at the kitchen table, every once in a while in the livingroom, but typically I make my food (no matter how much prep goes into it) straight back to my bedroom. Sometimes there are crumbs, and I always leave my dirty dishes right next to the bed. Sometimes in the (empty) dresser drawers.
Confession #3: Even when people let me down, I set them, and myself, back up to try again. Even if the (probable) failure rate is very high. Stand me up? I'll set us up for another day/time! Not do what you said you would do? I won't confront you. I'm pretty sure this is in response to how my Mom deals with people when they disappoint her: she cuts them out of her life. Even when I've said "enough, i won't let people treat me so disrespectfully!" I'll melt right into the palm of your hands if you butter me up or promise not to do it again.
Confession #4: When I'm with people, I practically count down the hours til I'm home and alone. When I'm home and alone, I go stir crazy and want to be with people. There are expections to this rule... typically with the crush of the day.
Confession #5: I don't remember what I was originally going to blog about, or why I titled today's blog as such. Its been a long day of Super-Migraine, and I am a bit loopy.
I'm really enjoying my new computer. Got Itunes all setup today! but sadly I lost all my playlists, song ratings, and play counts. Sad Day.
Tomorrow mum and father are coming! Didn't do any packing today like planned, but instead lied on my bed writhing in headache agony and listened to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I love HP.
Maybe the next post will be more coherent? doubt it!
Lemon Out!
Confession #1: I enjoy Disney Channel-esq tween sitcoms. HM, Zack and Cody, iCarly, etc etc etc. They're silly, and have predictable characters, but nonetheless, I like them.
Confession #2: I eat in bed. Almost exclusively. Rarely at the kitchen table, every once in a while in the livingroom, but typically I make my food (no matter how much prep goes into it) straight back to my bedroom. Sometimes there are crumbs, and I always leave my dirty dishes right next to the bed. Sometimes in the (empty) dresser drawers.
Confession #3: Even when people let me down, I set them, and myself, back up to try again. Even if the (probable) failure rate is very high. Stand me up? I'll set us up for another day/time! Not do what you said you would do? I won't confront you. I'm pretty sure this is in response to how my Mom deals with people when they disappoint her: she cuts them out of her life. Even when I've said "enough, i won't let people treat me so disrespectfully!" I'll melt right into the palm of your hands if you butter me up or promise not to do it again.
Confession #4: When I'm with people, I practically count down the hours til I'm home and alone. When I'm home and alone, I go stir crazy and want to be with people. There are expections to this rule... typically with the crush of the day.
Confession #5: I don't remember what I was originally going to blog about, or why I titled today's blog as such. Its been a long day of Super-Migraine, and I am a bit loopy.
I'm really enjoying my new computer. Got Itunes all setup today! but sadly I lost all my playlists, song ratings, and play counts. Sad Day.
Tomorrow mum and father are coming! Didn't do any packing today like planned, but instead lied on my bed writhing in headache agony and listened to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I love HP.
Maybe the next post will be more coherent? doubt it!
Lemon Out!
Newest Financial Burdon!
I bought a new computer today. Smart? probably not. Awesome? definitely!
I'm not much for bragging about specs, but she's got a nice 400gb of memory to be filled! I take it as a personal challenge to do so.
Also, i'll get to work on editing a few hundred photos i've taken this summer.
Oh, and speaking of photos, if i don't get stood up (AGAIN!) Ex-Not-Boyfriend is going to let me take some photos of his 'Stang! I'm super excited. We've got plans to tomorrow evening, but he's kinda been known to disappear.
Well. I've got 40gigs of music to copy, and i suppose i should sleep. so here we go!
Lemon Out!
I'm not much for bragging about specs, but she's got a nice 400gb of memory to be filled! I take it as a personal challenge to do so.
Also, i'll get to work on editing a few hundred photos i've taken this summer.
Oh, and speaking of photos, if i don't get stood up (AGAIN!) Ex-Not-Boyfriend is going to let me take some photos of his 'Stang! I'm super excited. We've got plans to tomorrow evening, but he's kinda been known to disappear.
Well. I've got 40gigs of music to copy, and i suppose i should sleep. so here we go!
Lemon Out!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Headaches
My head hurts this evening. I've been having these headaches for several years, although maybe i'm getting better at taking tylenol before they get too bad, because I haven't gotten sick from one in several months. Not that acetametophin really gets rid of the entire headache, but it makes life livable. Although apparently my favorite OTC drug is getting doled out in smaller doses based on its liver damage potential. I like my liver and all... but i like having a clear head too.
I'm kinda in a complaining mood this evening, despite it being an overall good day. Not-boyfriend left me hanging last night, but texted this morning. I gave him some hangover remedy ideas, and offered to get him anything if he needed it, and he worte "lol thank you! you are too awesome to me." Really, he's right. I know Jesus says to turn the other cheek, but sometimes it makes me feel like a doormat. I also have the tendancy to expect the best out of people, as well as give them several more chances than they deserve... and I get walked all over. I don't like being taken advantage of, but i do like thinking well of people.
Well, since most of my thoughts this evening aren't turning into complete sentences, and this borrowed computer is about to die, I suppose its time to return it to my roommate, and wish the world of blogging goodnight!
Monday, August 3, 2009
DNFO
Do Not Freak Out.
Sometimes I write these four letters on my wrist when I'm feeling anxious, and most of the time it helps me to stop, put things back into perspective, and then get on with life. Its quite a genius coping mechanism, if you ask me. Of course, there are some times that it just doesn't work, and a complete freak out is necessary.
Likely subjects of future Freak Out rants will include boys, relationships, work, job searches, aparatment searches, what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, how dirty my dishes get, budgets, friends, and other various frustrations.
Currently I'm in the process of moving cities. I'll likely end up in my parent's basement for a month or so, until I find a job and an apartment in the larger city. I'll be moving 300 miles from my current residence, away from college friends, two years worth of co-workers, and a not-boyfriend. I'll be moving closer to family, old friends, and hopefully some opportunities such as Grad School, or Art School, or being a bum.
Wait, what is a Not-Boyfriend, you may ask?! Well, after I made the decision to move, i met a very nice looking and strapping young man. And despite my upcoming move, we started seeing each other. Apparently there was a night that he actually asked me out, but did so very covertly, and i didn't catch on, and therefore turned him down... and then realized my mistake way too late, and because i lack the ability to say things out loud (or avoid run-on sentences), we never became "official." Now it didn't bother me to not have lables, but apparently it drove him crazy. Which is kinda sweet. And although we've been casually making out for the last 6 months, we decided to take a step back, and see if we can end this maturely.
Tonight is his birthday, and although I was invited to join them if they (his roommates, etc) go out, its now 8:30, and haven't heard anything from him in several hours. There are plenty of possible reasons for this:
1. They haven't gone out yet.
2. He's decided it would be too awkward to hang out.
3. He's completely a flake, and hasn't realized he didn't text me with outting information.
4. His house got hit by an astroid, and they are all now just smoking piles of ashes, and can't call.
Reason #1 is most likely, with #3 right on its heals. I realize it is only 8:30, but i'm an old lady (at 26) and don't process alcohol very well. I'm actually not likely to be very fun. And I'm not sure i could stand watching him hit on anyone else. Apparently I'm jealous and insecure.
So maybe he'll call. and Maybe I'll stay home and watch a movie.
and Maybe I'll just eat otterpops til i pass out... which might be soon.
-Lemon Out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
