Six years ago I got the official diagnosis that I had always known about myself: Depression laced with anxiety. It tends to present in an ADD type fashion. I'm easily distractable, I struggle to conquer large tasks, I rarely sit still. Actually I think my attention span is surprisingly longer than it appears.
I've been staying a head of my ever hovering rain cloud, but for several months (maybe a year), it's been catching up with me. I've made several decisions to try to keep it at bay. I run fairly frequently (and have signed up for a half marathon, which takes place in just six weeks!!!), I try very hard to eat healthily, take my vitamins, and get some sun exposure, and when I feel lousy, I don't drink.
But it's still catching up with me. I've made the decision to find a way to go back on meds. I struggle with the stigma of being medicated, and wondering if who I am supposed to be is an unmedicated, depressed individual... but who is supposed to live like that?
Next healthy step? I told PBR.
He seemed supportive of my decision to pursue the medication route and asked questions of which meds I've been on before. The nice thing about dating someone with a psych degree, is they at least understand that people can't just "snap" out of chemical imbalances. He also found the silver lining in the whole situation: if i'm not drinking, i can be his designated driver. He was (mostly) joking, we laughed, and I threw a line back at him about how I was glad my mental distress works out for his benefit. Besides, jokes on him, he's never ridden in the glorious Citation before!!! He's in for a treat!
We've got vague plans for the weekend, including pumpkin carving/beer pong with some of his friends (lucky me will get put on the team with the pregnant woman, so we can just have the non-alcoholic beer). I'm also supposed to do some stuff with the family this weekend, and I might go as far as to invite him to family dinner. Its about time to meet some parents.
but its almost 4am, and i've slept less than 8 hours total in the last 4 days... and my kitten is rather (unusually) snuggly right now.
Lemon zzzzz
Thursday, October 21, 2010
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