This has been a long confusing, joyful week.
The loot from under the tree has been i think the best i've ever recieved! a new phone, a nintendo ds, hannah montana season one, Skis. Overall a great haul.
CPR, on the other hand, has disappeared from the radar completely. He was supposed to come to the pool staff party, but didn't get back from skiing in time. We texted a bit, I invited him over for the next day, and said goodnight.
Next day rolls around, he initiates the texts, I invite him over, he says he doesn't have a car. I offer to pick him up, he says he's tired. I offer to come over to watch a movie, he says his computer's broken. He said he'd check in with me after breakfast, but two hours later he texted to say he had fallen asleep again. I ask what the plan is for the day, he replies with "sleep..."
I gave it an hour or so, to think about what had happened, and calculate exactly what I wanted to say to him. My eventual response was "I understand being busy and tired w/ 2 jobs and the holidays. If you find time to hang out, let me know."
No response back. At all. Since Monday. Its Friday.
I had bounced what I wanted to say (before i pushed send), to make sure it didn't sound super bat shit crazy or passive agressive. I really do want to just be straight forward.
And I really do understand being busy and tired. But not even a text? No "ok" or "will do."
Its still pretty early in the relationship. I don't expect to dominate all of his time. But It'd sure be nice to get a little acknowledgment that I still exist in his world.
Weeks and weeks ago, he had asked for help with what to do with an ex. She had emailed, stating she still had feelings for him, he doesn't, and didn't know how to deal with the situation. I told him he needed to be straight forward, and just tell her the truth. He opted to just ignore her. RED FLAG!
Its how he deals with things.
I need a guy that has a pair, and uses them wisely. Do men like that exist?
Whatever.
I think maybe I'll just use my new christmas toys to find men to keep me warm in the mean time.
Ski Bunny Lemon Out!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Most Interesting Day
When I woke up this morning, I had a very small idea of what the day would entail.
Dad woke us up early so that we could spend the morning sawing, stacking, sorting and chipping tree limbs. Other than being early, it wasn't so bad. We then fixed my car heating issues, and he left for Grandma's.
This afternoon (the only part of the day I was aware of my activities) I helped out at Christmas House. It is a local charity that donates gifts to low income families in our county. The items available for parents to come and "shop" for were very high quality items and products. We served about 300 families today, and hopefully have shown the light of Christ to families in our community.
Oh, Speaking of Christ, there was a manger display... in the most unusual of places. The "shopping" area was set up in the gym at a local Boys and Girls Club. On top of one of the basket ball hoops was Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. I suppose they answered the question of whether or not Jesus could slam dunk.
I also found myself checking out the group of volunteers. There was one guy who might be similar in age to me, and had a very nice face. The rest of him wasn't bad to look at either... until he bent over and his tighty whities were sticking up out of the back of his pants. Not just regular fruit of the looms, but they looked like they were a few years old. It was very off putting, which was v disappointing, as there was quite a few hours left in our shift, and no one else worth looking at.
After returning home from CH, I checked in with a few friends to see if a holiday party was still happening. I jumped back in the car and drove up the hill. We ate, ate ate, played some games, mingled, ate some more, and had a jolly time. I won a game called Pig Dice. I don't know why it was named such, but I was a lucky roller. I lost at a silly card game, but then we moved on to the main event of the evening: the White Elephant gift exchange!
I almost got my hands on the Sarah Palin autobiography, then lost it last minute to another woman.
In other news: I saw CPR thursday afternoon, but only for a few minutes since he had to leave for work, Friday was my last day at the pool, and I've filed for unemployment and shall be receiving benefits starting next week.
Its been a long and crazy week. Oh, plus i was super emotional due to end of job and the regular monthly hormones.
Lemon Out
Dad woke us up early so that we could spend the morning sawing, stacking, sorting and chipping tree limbs. Other than being early, it wasn't so bad. We then fixed my car heating issues, and he left for Grandma's.
This afternoon (the only part of the day I was aware of my activities) I helped out at Christmas House. It is a local charity that donates gifts to low income families in our county. The items available for parents to come and "shop" for were very high quality items and products. We served about 300 families today, and hopefully have shown the light of Christ to families in our community.
Oh, Speaking of Christ, there was a manger display... in the most unusual of places. The "shopping" area was set up in the gym at a local Boys and Girls Club. On top of one of the basket ball hoops was Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. I suppose they answered the question of whether or not Jesus could slam dunk.
I also found myself checking out the group of volunteers. There was one guy who might be similar in age to me, and had a very nice face. The rest of him wasn't bad to look at either... until he bent over and his tighty whities were sticking up out of the back of his pants. Not just regular fruit of the looms, but they looked like they were a few years old. It was very off putting, which was v disappointing, as there was quite a few hours left in our shift, and no one else worth looking at.
After returning home from CH, I checked in with a few friends to see if a holiday party was still happening. I jumped back in the car and drove up the hill. We ate, ate ate, played some games, mingled, ate some more, and had a jolly time. I won a game called Pig Dice. I don't know why it was named such, but I was a lucky roller. I lost at a silly card game, but then we moved on to the main event of the evening: the White Elephant gift exchange!
I almost got my hands on the Sarah Palin autobiography, then lost it last minute to another woman.
In other news: I saw CPR thursday afternoon, but only for a few minutes since he had to leave for work, Friday was my last day at the pool, and I've filed for unemployment and shall be receiving benefits starting next week.
Its been a long and crazy week. Oh, plus i was super emotional due to end of job and the regular monthly hormones.
Lemon Out
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Mightiest Battle
I find the hardest decision to make while starting a new relationship is when to actually share my thoughts and feelings, and when to keep my mouth shut.
I had invited CPR to my annual Christmas party. Attendees are all friends (and spouses/fiancees/dates) from high school. He initially said he'd go, then texted last night that he was going to have to work late. I was a bit disappointed, but then he actually called this afternoon to check in. In the end, he got home from work pretty late, and it would have been a 45 minute drive out to my friend's house. But he actually checked in when he said he would.
Does this remove the feeling that I think he didn't really want to go? no. Am I disappointed that our only plans in the last week didn't heppen? yes, a lot.
Do I talk with him about it? Do i let it go? Do I make the next move for trying to hang out or wait for him to call me? are we past that point in the game? What are the rules here?
I hate calling guys. I just want to talk to him, about everything, about nothing. But the mere act of dialing his number, and waiting for him to pick up his phone makes me feel like I'm throwing myself at him. Is this normal? I can't expect for him to make all the moves, but I don't need to show him all my cards, right?
I've been wanting to dtr the kid for like two weeks, and can't seem to actually spend time with him, let alone talk about... my feelings!!!
YIKES
This Lemon could use some Lemonade right about now.
My current job ends friday, and yet I haven't gotten a call back about any of my resumes. I'll start to freak out about that come January 1. Its kinda nice to have some spare time around the holidays.
On the bright side, the annual christmas party with my friends (sans cpr) was a lot of fun. There was even a point where i laughed so hard i cried. I love laughter.
Tired Lemon to bed.
I had invited CPR to my annual Christmas party. Attendees are all friends (and spouses/fiancees/dates) from high school. He initially said he'd go, then texted last night that he was going to have to work late. I was a bit disappointed, but then he actually called this afternoon to check in. In the end, he got home from work pretty late, and it would have been a 45 minute drive out to my friend's house. But he actually checked in when he said he would.
Does this remove the feeling that I think he didn't really want to go? no. Am I disappointed that our only plans in the last week didn't heppen? yes, a lot.
Do I talk with him about it? Do i let it go? Do I make the next move for trying to hang out or wait for him to call me? are we past that point in the game? What are the rules here?
I hate calling guys. I just want to talk to him, about everything, about nothing. But the mere act of dialing his number, and waiting for him to pick up his phone makes me feel like I'm throwing myself at him. Is this normal? I can't expect for him to make all the moves, but I don't need to show him all my cards, right?
I've been wanting to dtr the kid for like two weeks, and can't seem to actually spend time with him, let alone talk about... my feelings!!!
YIKES
This Lemon could use some Lemonade right about now.
My current job ends friday, and yet I haven't gotten a call back about any of my resumes. I'll start to freak out about that come January 1. Its kinda nice to have some spare time around the holidays.
On the bright side, the annual christmas party with my friends (sans cpr) was a lot of fun. There was even a point where i laughed so hard i cried. I love laughter.
Tired Lemon to bed.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Holding My Breath
Ya know that moment, when you have to actually say whats on your mind, but you don't want to, but you need to... so you take a deep breath, but instead of just saying it, you just end up holding your breath until you can't anymore? Or is that just me?
CPR and I didn't dtr, but did have "the talk." So, at least he is aware that sex isn't on the table... or in the bed. And he took it well. It wasn't a long conversation, so I expect it to resurface in the future, but the message was clear. Not happening.
He is going with me to an annual christmas party with some friends from High School. Replying to the group email as "Yes, plus a guest" was quite a thrill! Especially since everyone else will be brining fiances or spouses. Its just lovely to have a plus one!
The plus one thing is super exciting. Although, perhaps the actual DTR needs to happen before then. So i've got til wednesday. These are some of my closest friends... they just seems to lack... tact? discretion? a sense of enjoyment that doesn't involve embarrassing me? or perhaps a combo of all. I'm looking forward to the party, and I'm sure it'll be a great time.
Oh, and I am back on facebook. I missed it, but here's hoping i can keep control of my time management skills. AKA talk to Jesus instead of searching out my life's meaning on facebook.
Lemon Out
CPR and I didn't dtr, but did have "the talk." So, at least he is aware that sex isn't on the table... or in the bed. And he took it well. It wasn't a long conversation, so I expect it to resurface in the future, but the message was clear. Not happening.
He is going with me to an annual christmas party with some friends from High School. Replying to the group email as "Yes, plus a guest" was quite a thrill! Especially since everyone else will be brining fiances or spouses. Its just lovely to have a plus one!
The plus one thing is super exciting. Although, perhaps the actual DTR needs to happen before then. So i've got til wednesday. These are some of my closest friends... they just seems to lack... tact? discretion? a sense of enjoyment that doesn't involve embarrassing me? or perhaps a combo of all. I'm looking forward to the party, and I'm sure it'll be a great time.
Oh, and I am back on facebook. I missed it, but here's hoping i can keep control of my time management skills. AKA talk to Jesus instead of searching out my life's meaning on facebook.
Lemon Out
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Underqualified
I've been working on job applications all weekend. I even printed out one application so I could fill it out by hand, and scan it back into the computer to email it back to the HR department. Trick is, I am not a registered counselor in my state, and its seems to be a requirement for most of the jobs I'm looking into.
So, I looked up how to become a state registered counselor, and I've really figured out is there are different meanings to the title of Counselor.
Also my room in a mess, dad's drilling holes in the wall, and I think I want to bring CPR to family dinner friday night. Everything is so stressful right now.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to DTR with CPR within the week.
Lemon Out
So, I looked up how to become a state registered counselor, and I've really figured out is there are different meanings to the title of Counselor.
Also my room in a mess, dad's drilling holes in the wall, and I think I want to bring CPR to family dinner friday night. Everything is so stressful right now.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to DTR with CPR within the week.
Lemon Out
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Perhaps You Have Noticed
The alternating between chewing my nails, and the stupid grin on my face?!
1. Work has been supremely frustrating lately. The ship is sinking, and the Board of Directors (and the other branch the company operates) don't seem as concerned about being respectful, as much as just getting the damn thing to sink. They're cutting hours and jobs faster than I seem to be able to react to. Its possible that today was my last day working with CPR, although nothing has been finalized yet. The public is really frustrated with the pool closure as well, but other than the official statement the Board of Directors made last Wednesday, I have no answers to anyone's questions.
2. Things are going super well with CPR. He went with me and three close friends to see a movie Monday evening. Props to him for meeting my friends, taking me to a ridiculous movie, and for being a super good sport.
I've been learning little wonderful things about him more and more as we hang out and talk. One of the most interesting, i think, is that his dad is from England. Yup, i might just be dating a British citizen. CPR doesn't have an accent, but he's still got family on the other side of the pond. Lovely!
My boss/bff came up with Character assignments for ourselves and coworkers over the last week in relation to everyone's favorite TV show: The Office. My boss/bff is SO Michael Scott, and I am very much a Jim type character. In relation to this, we started naming off other co workers who fit characters. We really do have a Dwight type person, a Kelly Kapur, and a 2-fer: Kevin/Toby mix! (the assistant manager is as useful as Kevin, and Boss/bff likes him as much as Michael likes Toby). Why am I mentioning this in the CPR section of today's blog? Well, if I'm Jim... He's my Pam.
Nothing beats a good office romance... even if you don't work in an office. Who knows if CPR and I will get married at Niagra Falls, but we can figure out those details later.
3. I've decided to take a Social Network Hiatus. In the middle of one of my larger freak outs, I came to realize that I spend all day wishing I spent more time doing important things (read my bible, apply for jobs, study for the GREs, etc), and instead I browse Facebook. Its all I ever do. So I deactivated it.
Actually I made someone else change the password, and deactivate it for me, so I can't get back in until I've proven that I can manage my time a little more effectively. Dammit I miss it. a lot.
I did make some GRE vocab flashcards... that i haven't picked up since. And I subscribed to a Daily Bible Reading (bible in a year) podcast... and haven't synched my ipod ever since. I need some serious motivation, and some sort of accountability system as well. I've been getting better at waking up at a decent hour lately, now I just need to crack open that bible and read it.
Lemon Updated
1. Work has been supremely frustrating lately. The ship is sinking, and the Board of Directors (and the other branch the company operates) don't seem as concerned about being respectful, as much as just getting the damn thing to sink. They're cutting hours and jobs faster than I seem to be able to react to. Its possible that today was my last day working with CPR, although nothing has been finalized yet. The public is really frustrated with the pool closure as well, but other than the official statement the Board of Directors made last Wednesday, I have no answers to anyone's questions.
2. Things are going super well with CPR. He went with me and three close friends to see a movie Monday evening. Props to him for meeting my friends, taking me to a ridiculous movie, and for being a super good sport.
I've been learning little wonderful things about him more and more as we hang out and talk. One of the most interesting, i think, is that his dad is from England. Yup, i might just be dating a British citizen. CPR doesn't have an accent, but he's still got family on the other side of the pond. Lovely!
My boss/bff came up with Character assignments for ourselves and coworkers over the last week in relation to everyone's favorite TV show: The Office. My boss/bff is SO Michael Scott, and I am very much a Jim type character. In relation to this, we started naming off other co workers who fit characters. We really do have a Dwight type person, a Kelly Kapur, and a 2-fer: Kevin/Toby mix! (the assistant manager is as useful as Kevin, and Boss/bff likes him as much as Michael likes Toby). Why am I mentioning this in the CPR section of today's blog? Well, if I'm Jim... He's my Pam.
Nothing beats a good office romance... even if you don't work in an office. Who knows if CPR and I will get married at Niagra Falls, but we can figure out those details later.
3. I've decided to take a Social Network Hiatus. In the middle of one of my larger freak outs, I came to realize that I spend all day wishing I spent more time doing important things (read my bible, apply for jobs, study for the GREs, etc), and instead I browse Facebook. Its all I ever do. So I deactivated it.
Actually I made someone else change the password, and deactivate it for me, so I can't get back in until I've proven that I can manage my time a little more effectively. Dammit I miss it. a lot.
I did make some GRE vocab flashcards... that i haven't picked up since. And I subscribed to a Daily Bible Reading (bible in a year) podcast... and haven't synched my ipod ever since. I need some serious motivation, and some sort of accountability system as well. I've been getting better at waking up at a decent hour lately, now I just need to crack open that bible and read it.
Lemon Updated
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