A while ago I mentioned a new hire at work, and i dubbed him CPR. We work together 2, sometimes 3 times a week. He opens up the pool at 5am, and I join in the fun at 10. We hang out, wash windows, listen to music, and talk talk talk til 1pm, when his shift ends, and he jumps in to lap swim. We are the worst lifeguard pair in the history of all my lifeguarding experience.
We've almost hung out a few times now. He almost went with my friend/boss and I to donate blood two weeks ago, but then chickened out. Then we almost went as a staff outting to the "Haunted Trails" being put on at the park where we work... but then I got sick. He's mentioned I could join him and his friends rock climbing, and we were discussing Halloween plans today while working.
Then he drops the bomb. He asks, if I don't have other plans, if maybe we could hit a bar or two halloween night. I said maybe, sure. I'm not sure if he asked me out, or if he just wants a familiar face to get shit faced with. Freak Out begins NOW!
I've been thinking about this guy for a week or two now. He's tall, dark, handsome, funny, intelligent, passionate, and super fun to work with! BUT, he's got no church background or current involvement. Getting involved with this guy is asking for trouble. Not that he's trouble, but didn't I learn anything from CLBF? Why would I want to jump into another relationship of any sort that I know won't go anywhere?
The church things is a huge deal breaker for me. And I need to start a new chapter in my life where I don't even start relationships with men who I know will break the deal.
Does that mean I don't want to get some mouth to mouth action with CPR until then? no... I want it bad.
BUT its a BAD IDEA. Follow my slippery slope here. I'm likely to have a friend's house as home base for Saturday night, since i Don't want to drive/drive 45 miles to get home. So, i've figured out how to not have to drive drunk, so I'll allow myself to drink. a lot. So, there I am, hanging out, drunk with CPR. I'm attracted to him, he's attracted to me, and we have a nice drunk make out. Say, after this point, i bring him back to my friend's house. Now, drunk or not, I know i'm not going to sleep with him, but i'm sure more drunken make outs are to follow.
then Sunday morning, I have to not only do a walk of shame of sorts back to my parents house (45 mile drive), and maybe even straight to church. and really, is that the way to go to church? and then how do i face CPR when we work together monday? and then what are his expectataions? and when do i tell him that we shouldn't be together? and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I need help.
basically, to sum up that crazy rant, my self control has been needing daily pep talks.
Man, i think i need to quit boys for a while.
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oh wow. a lot going on right now.
ReplyDeletethat is a crazy difficult decision. it's the whole "your HEAD knows the right thing to do, but your HEART doesn't really want to go along with it" dilemma. not to mention the whole "a woman's got NEEDS" dilemma.
and, at least for me, it's one of those things that i want to be like, "God, if you're not bringing any good guys my way, then can you really blame me?" and the whole "we're not having sex, just making out, so it's not that bad" argument. AND, the whole "i know people who have done worse" thing.
but, that does give me a good idea for a blog post. because sometimes, since there are so FEW good attractive christian men around, whenever i meet one, i'm always totally in love. it's like, "oh my gosh! you go to church? you actually talk about God in your everyday life? you know verses from the bible and not just john 3:16? let's get MARRIED!" i think that might be how things are with vandy. because he really does talk about his faith, and i'm around so few men who do that it's uber attractive. but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's a super great guy. but maybe he is...
but back to CPR. i am glad you are having daily pep talks. and reGUARDless of what happens, i love and miss you!