Music to Madness

I seem to be enjoying m titles lately. Hmmm.

Music. Sometimes I forget how much whats being pumped into my ears all day long can actually affect my mood. Sometimes I want to frolic. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes it makes me want to dance! More often than not, and especially with pop music, it makes me feel lonely and pathetic.

Specifically Kings of Leon's Use Somebody has me thinking of CLBF (he really really likes this band), but also, just in general, I hope that someone is looking for someone like me(Woooaoaaoooaoaoao whoaooaoaaoo).

I just recently stumbled upon this song, and i keep coming back to it. The lyrics have an interesting mix of emotions. It says/sings "i'm desperately searching to make a connection with someone... but not just anyone. THE one." Not even, necessarily, a girl, but looking for his best friend, whoever that may be. It also has a bit of an air of "oh shit, i think i just screwed up that relationship, how do i get it back?"

At first I thought those emotions were specific to the vocalist, and then I came across a few covers of the song, and I am reminded of the power of words. I'm not usually big into poetry, but this song speaks to me. The lyrics can stand alone, and they speak of desperation, and of hope.

Its like I'm in a crowd full of people, and I have to get through these hoards of people to get to "someone like you." And at the same time, I'm doing all i can so that you will notice "someone like me." If we could get a bird's eye view of the situation, you would see two people highlighted in a crowd, and you know they're meant to meet up with each other, but who knows if they will! They mingle and make their way through the crowd, but there is no guarantee they will even cross paths.

I don't even know who you are yet. Have we met? Have we mingled in the past? Do you know you're looking for me? How will i know I've met you?

Desperation.

Hope.

Maybe its not the best for me to linger on these types of thoughts, but as soon as I start to process these thoughts and finally put names and labels to the emotions it evokes, I can't help but think about it all the time.

In the same playlist on my ipod, is Jesse's Girl. Which then gets me wondering if I'm doomed to watch my person make a life with someone else. I've been through several experiences where my roommate gets the guy I want, and all I get is to be happy for them.

Then, after I'm all done thinking about being pathetically searching for my someone who will inevitably find someone else first, the song changes, and Lady Gaga starts pumping.

Who ever thought Lady Gaga would send me into another loop of the "i'm crazy" rollercoaster?!

One of her latest hits, "Paparazzi," got me thinking about how stalkerish i can become. I recently came across one of my old journals. Just a notebook filled with notebook paper that is covered with the nonsense of a 14 year old girl. I'm sure if i read it closely, i'd find something worth reading... but it would take a lot of searching. Most of it deserves to be burned, and never ever ever read.

How many boys was i in love with? most of the ones that actually spoke to me.
How many times did i scribble my and their names over and over and over again? lots.
How often was i convinced of our "soulmate-ness"? every time.

Is it my fault that I followed each of these boys around convinced that if i followed them around enough, they would then fall for me? Kinda. I mean, that's what happens in the movies and tv shows... and since i was socially awkward, I obviously thought that would happen for me too! I was (still can be) a bit (a lot) naive and oblivious to how real life relationships develop. Especially when lyrics like these are coursing through my head.

So, who knew that my workout playlist would make me think so much?! I need to start listening to songs that don't talk about love, or relationships, or people.
Eye of the Tiger it is.

Lemon out